New Blog, Different Day

In light of many new developments in my life, I have started a new blog. I have ceased to be so obsessed about raw food but make no mistake about it, I am still a huge believer in its healing, magical powers. I have settled into a very comfortable and stress-free vegan (well, actually bee-gan) diet and am feeling very happy and contented with it. It feels good to be so unconcerned with what I'm going to eat all the time and being vegan feels very easy to me. I realized about 2 months ago that constantly trying to stay raw was really stressing me out. And that just wasn't healthy for me. So I decided to just be vegan for a while and see how I felt. The verdict is that I feel pretty great. My depression is staying away even under stressful conditions, my weight is gradually decreasing, and my family is happy with their diet, too. Plus we are finding that it is much less expensive to eat cooked vegan vs. raw vegan and that is a huge help to us financially right now. I am just allowing my body to guide me and we are taking stress-free baby steps toward my ultimate health goals. Don't worry, I will still be posting here on this blog when I have something raw-centric to express or when I make up a really good raw recipe or have any naked cooking fiascoes to to share with you...

Now, on to my new blog... You can find it at www.sisterlightheart.blogspot.com. It will be about my daily life, spirituality, parenting, music, anything that I feel like sharing with the entire world. And that is pretty much everything, as you all know...

Hope to see you all at my new blog and sending a big dose of light beam love in your direction! Peace and one love.

The dangers of naked cooking...

The other morning at about 6:30 am, as Felix was giving Lincoln his shower, I put a couple of pieces of Ezekiel bread under the broiler to toast. Then I went into my bedroom to get ready/dressed to bring Linc to school. In the middle of dressing, a.k.a. completely topless, I heard one of the pieces of toast fall through the grate and onto the bottom of the oven so I went to investigate, topless. The piece of toast had landed on the heating element on the floor of the oven, and as I reached in to retrieve it from it's impending incineration, my naked, very ample, right boobie landed on and pressed itself firmly into the unbelievably scorching hot oven door. It fried like an egg folks. Not joking, at all. I swore so loudly and for so long that I even amazed my own self. So, I have spent the past 3 days in a fog of non-adhesive wound dressings, triple anti-biotic ointment, overly adhesive (as in pull off all remaining boobie skin) medical tape, and elasticized tank tops.
Do you think someone is trying to tell me something?
Do you think it will leave a scar?
And, no, I will not post a picture of it. Even I have my limits.

I've been workin' my way back to you, babe...

OK darlings... I'm just gonna let you know that I feel like a dork blogging here when I am not eating all raw... Which just happens, you know. I definitely do not want to put myself out there as some sort of "100% successful raw foodist" poser. Ewww. But, I have decided to just get over myself and blog about my raw journey, issues and all, because my intention is always to eat raw, even if my addictions/emotional issues sometimes cause me to sabotage myself... Plus, I have noticed that writing about my challenges really helps me to process them and sometimes even helps me to release behaviors that are holding me back. So here goes, the story of my summer slide down the slippery slopes of my mountain of issues. I think I just fell completely off track during my "wanna-be-a-juice-feaster" phase which brought up every craving, addiction, and self-discipline issue that I could ever even imagine having plus a few more... Now, I'm not bashing juice feasting in any way!!! It is an amazing process with huge cleansing and restorative power. Unfortunately, it just sent me right off my rocker, which, let's face it, doesn't take much. So, after I gave up the juice feasting I just really white-knuckled it trying to resist the cravings for fried starch with sugar... Gross. Anyhow, will power, self-discipline, or whatever you want to call it, just isn't one of my greatest gifts. Needless to say, I began the lovely ping pong game of cooked (vegetarian but not always vegan) vs. raw... A game nearly as boring as watching a real ping pong game except on top of being boring it also makes you fatter, depressed and comes with a lovely feeling of self-defeat. After a while of that I was (understandably) feeling really weak and tired all the time. So I somehow convinced myself that I needed to eat more protein which led to eating eggs and even fish on about 5 occasions. I also began drinking Dunkin Donuts coffee as well. For that I can only plead retardation... I told you it's a slippery slope. Anyhow, the eggs and fish did make me feel a little more balanced and I did have a little more energy (coulda been the coffee), but I have also gained about 15-20 lbs... Ugghhh. I do have to say that I am grateful to have realized that I am the kind of person who gains weight when I eat inappropriate food for humans. Because if I didn't I would probably continue eating it until it killed me, without much concern because I would be thin anyway, seriously. The bottom line is that I get high off of cooked food. And, I have been high on it all my life. Not the easiest habit to kick. Plus, besides tasting good and being a socially acceptable addictive substance that I can get anywhere, it feels good for at least a few minutes after I eat it. However, my expanding midsection and tight clothes do not. Which brings me to where I am at right now. Experts say to replace your addiction with something that is good for you, for example, quit snorting piles of cocaine and take up jogging... I'm not sure that would work for me. I'm more apt to jog for about 5 minutes, break a sweat, and say "Fuck jogging. Snorting cocaine is so much more fun." Thank Goddess I don't have a cocaine issue. (Knocking on wood really hard) So I have decided that even though I may not be able to give up Dunkin Donuts lattes, bread, and cheese (the kind made from cow milk) for jogging, I may be able to bite the bullet and give up a cooked food high for a much healthier raw high. I know that getting high on food in general might not be considered PC in the "raw community" but I have finally made my peace with it. The bottom line is that everything we put into our bodies has an effect on how we feel. So we are all getting high on food regardless of what we eat. As an "addiction" prone person maybe the best thing I can do for myself is just to get the healthiest buzz I can manage. Maybe I can just learn to love and stop judging myself and trying to change all my "faults". So what if I like to get a good buzz on. At least my preferences in mind altering substances have improved, let me tell ya... Maybe if I can just accept that I am who I am and be happy about it I'll be OK. There is so much more to me than being fat and thin-obsessed. I'm just going to focus on doing what feels truly good and remembering that life really is one big raw-chocolate party... Maybe one day the feeling of having a healthy body will be all the high I need, but for now, it's all good. I am what I am. Peace out y'all. Big kisses and hugs. And don't forget to shake your ass today, OK?

Where the heck have I been?

Ok, so it seems I have taken the summer off from blogging... Well, I'm back now after a very introspective and revealing couple of months. As far as raw food goes, I have been bouncing between high raw, low raw, and, unfortunately, no raw, this whole time. I think that the whole juice feasting deal kind of upset my delicate equilibrium and sent me into a spin. I just don't think that I was ready for it. Anyhow, it has been a great summer of fun and household revitalization. Feng Shui to the rescue. Now that I have balanced my health area I am feeling much more motivated to get healthier. And I can't even tell you how fantastic the benefits of balancing my love/relationships area are...

Earlier this summer, I had the great experience of meeting one of my faithful readers in person, completely out of the blue! Felix and I were walking through the Swap Shop (a huge swap meet, flea market, farmers market monstrosity in Ft. Lauderdale) and a nice lady asks me "Do you have a raw food blog?" Of course, I answered "yes". Turns out, the lady's name is Samantha and she was in town to go on a Caribbean cruise with her family and we just both happened to be in the same place at the same time! Talk about synchronicity! So here is a big shout out and dose of blessings to Samantha! I hope you loved your cruise!

And now here are some pictures of our trip to the International Mango Festival in Miami...

A very nice dinner...

On Monday night we had curried coconut noodles for dinner. It was delicious. Felix the forager has been at it again... He is averaging 2-3 trunkloads of coconuts per week! I'd guess that is almost 100 per week! Sometimes they only have water in them and very little meat/jelly, but this latest batch has had tons of flesh and really sweet water. Fun!

Juice Feasting Ceasing...

I am officially done with juice feasting for now... I am so inspired to create new raw dishes and get on with living my life. I feel great and definitely feel like it was an enlightening experience to live on juice for 2 1/2 weeks. It put food into a whole new perspective for me. That is for sure. Here are some before and after pictures of my face. I'm not sure how much weight I lost but I'm guessing 10-15 lbs.

Before juice feasting- late April 2008


After juice feasting- May 25, 2008

Yes, Grasshopper...

Feeling fine today darlings, that is for sure! Life is grand! I had an epiphany yesterday and realized that sometimes I am just too uptight. I am too hard on myself and I over analyze everything. I just need to get over myself, seriously. All of this anal retentive worrying just isn't my style... So from here on out I am all about lightening up. Literally. My heavy thoughts and the attending heavy emotions are creating and enforcing the heaviness of my physical body. The ironic thing is that there is no need for it anymore. I am free to live however I choose. I am a grownup now. I am no longer under the oppressive heaviness that I experienced in my youth. I haven't actually been there in over 10 years. I was just emotionally stuck there, stuck in that perspective... I have been inadvertently reliving my past because I didn't know any better. It was all still too foggy, but when I began to live a more enlightened lifestyle the fog began to lift and I started to awaken and to remember, to get out of my own spiritual purgatory... It's actually a really cool experience (now that I am starting to understand what the hell is happening and I becoming am less afraid) And that, right there, is why I love raw food. It lifts the fog and lets us shine our true light. It lifts up our vibration and we begin to actualize our glorious human potential. The beauty and light that we begin to radiate comes from within. Raw food feeds the light and it begins to shine brighter and brighter. We begin to feel better and better and have more and more energy to... That is where I sometimes get confused. What am I supposed to do with all of this energy that I have all of a sudden? I would get all balled up and uptight because I didn't know what to do with myself. Now I do. I'm not supposed to do anything. I can do what ever I choose to do. I am free to do what ever I choose to do at the time. Isn't that fantastic? I am free. I made it. I am not "there" anymore. I am here now. It feels great.

Still Juicy...

I am still juice feasting though I have had a couple of challenges with it. The first challenge is that we were temporarily out of cash this week so I ended up doing more master cleanse drinks than juice and that didn't really work out too well. I would feel fine all day but by the evenings I was starving and couldn't resist the temptation of the cooked dinner that I made for the fam. I don't think that the master cleanse contains enough nutrition to keep me from feeling hungry. Green juice, on the other hand, makes me feel nourished and calm and happy. I am also a big fan of watermelon juice. There is a Jamaican guy who sells native watermelons on the side of the road right next to Lincoln's school! It is like a watermelon drive-thru! I am going to start buying them from him this week now that we have some money again... The other challenge that I have had is cooking and preparing the families cooked food. It is just torturous. The smells, the taste, the whole deal. It is like a heroin addict trying to kick his 20 year habit while preparing fixes for other junkies all day, every day. It sucks. So I have been really thinking and, honestly, praying about how I can be strong enough to resist this terrible temptation and finally heal from my lifelong crippling addiction to food. I have been over at least 100 scenarios in my mind about how I can continue to cook for my family and be successful as a juice feaster and ultimately as a raw foodist. This has been my challenge now for over two years and I am so tired of struggling with it. I really, really know in my heart that my true desire is to be healthy, vibrant, and free from constantly indulging in my addiction to cooked food. I know that living raw is my path to achieving this. I just feel that I need to be free to jump into and devote all of my energy to my chosen raw path without constantly having to go back to cooking everyday. I feel like I am trying to live in two worlds at once. It isn't fun. By last night I was ready to just give up the whole thing and throw in the towel and just try to accept a life of being fat and depressed. I was severely bummed out to say the least. Then Felix finally came home (he has been working 12 hour days for over a month straight) and I was discussing with him what he wanted for food this week as I was planning on going grocery shopping this morning. He announced that all he wants to eat is juice, smoothies, salads with avocado and raw Caesar dressing, an occasional piece of spouted bread, and some raw sweets of some sort. He said that the raw food I make is really delicious and that he has more energy when he doesn't eat any cooked food. He also admitted that he has been throwing out the cooked part of the lunches that I pack for him because he realized that he gets tired after he eats it. He said that he didn't want to tell me about throwing out the lunches because he knows how hard it is for me to constantly be dealing with cooked food when I am doing such a great job on my juice feast! HALLELUJAH!!! EUREKA!!! AMEN!!! And the best part of the whole thing is that I never even said a word to him about how I was struggling with cooking for him, etc... That means that this is a miracle, plain and simple. As far as cooking for Lincoln goes, I'm just not sure how to deal with that part yet. He already has a raw smoothie for breakfast and then I pack him a vegan/vegetarian/mostly organic lunch for school. That part is no big deal and he is very happy with his lunches even though they are different than the other kids who all eat the SAD. What to feed him for dinner is a little trickier... Right now he eats mostly grain based dinners like rice pasta and homemade sauce, rice and beans (though he usually picks out all of the beans...), pancakes, scrambled eggs and toast, veggie sandwiches on Ezekiel bread, potatoes, etc. It isn't really a big deal for me to make these foods for him usually but sometimes when I am feeling weak it is still a huge challenge. Plus, I know Lincoln would feel better if he would eat more raw, unprocessed food. Plus, he has quite the love affair with soy milk which we have to work on getting rid of... I'm just going to have to do the best I can to slowly improve his diet without him really noticing. If anyone out there has any ideas on how to do this I would love to hear your suggestions...

I am feeling pretty good health-wise. I am not going to day that I feel great because I am still very tired and often cranky but that could also be due to all the emotional stuff and stress that I have been going through. I am losing weight but am not sure how much because I have banished the scale. It makes me too mental to weigh myself because I end up obsessing over it and weighing myself constantly. I figure that it is doing more harm than good so I am avoiding it. Plus I have been having my period this week and that didn't help either...

This has definitely been a serious and challenging journey so far, but I am looking forward to see what the rest of it brings now that I am more free of my cooked food demon. I think I might be starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and for that I am very grateful...

Sista Barbara is also still juice feasting! She is doing great and her diabetes is healing! Hip Hip Horay! She drinks mostly green vegetable juice and some various melon juices. She is also a huge fan of coconut water which is "half orgasmic" as far as she is concerned... She also has added some raw cacao and spirulina to her supplement regime for added mineralization and because it tastes good. If she is overwhelmingly hungry in the evenings she eats some lettuce or spinach with some avocado or occaionally a banana. She is losing weight very quickly and is feeling great!

Love and lightbeams with blissful frequencies to you all, you darling humans you!

I feel weird...

Still Juice Feasting. Had a temporary detour yesterday when I thought I should have a green smoothie since I was actually salivating over the pulp left in the juicer... Bad idea since one not juice thing sort of led to another... No big deal really. I'm right back at it. Watermelon juice so far today. I am feeling very unsettled, flighty, and yet really tired. It is just really strong detoxification going on and I realize that but it still feels sort of yucky. And I am even more sensitive than usual which is always extra special. I keep seeing these brilliant flashes of light, red and white. I am being led to/finding the most interesting things in my everyday life. Plus I, who am not pregnant, feel sort of like I am in childbirthing labor... I just keep reassuring myself that it is all worth it and I am really blessing myself by undergoing this process. Ummm, ok.

Here are some more garden pictures.
Hope you are all doing great. Peace and blessings!

Juice Feasting Day 10

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling really low energy and depressed. It got worse throughout the day and finally by last night I felt just awful. I also had really bad heartburn and all the food that I prepared for my family looked really appetizing. I never really thought about quitting this feast but I did want to eat something. I hadn't taken my oils or msm or bee pollen in a couple of days and was wondering if that could have has something to do with it. However, I think the real culprit was the "fresh squeezed" OJ and grapefruit juice that I had bought at a local citrus outlet. I asked the lady who was selling it if it was pasteurized and she told me no very adamantly so I believed her. I think she was wrong. I also put some honey into a few cups of hot tea and realized after that I was probably cooking the honey. I will not do that again. The moral of this juice feasters story is-
Juice it yourself because cooked sugars do not do a body good.

Here is a picture of the frangipani that is blooming so nicely in our backyard... Too bad you cannot smell it through your screen. It is just heavenly I tell ya!

A love and light big up to all of you darling beings! Peace xxoo

Juice Feasting Days 1-7

This is just a short sweet update-

I am loving this juice feast!!! Today is day seven and I already feel like a new person. Day four was a little rough emotionally and I was tired but it wasn't really that big of a deal. I haven't had many cravings and haven't had a hard time preparing food for my family either. It is much easier for me to juice feast than to try to eat 100% raw. This whole process seems very natural actually. It is like my body recognises juice as nutrition and so I really enjoy it. I have much more energy and my skin is looking much nicer. I sleep very soundly and really love drinking the juices. Plus, I have been going to the beach with Lincoln in the afternoons for swimming and a walk on the beach. The water is lovely, though sadly, not quite Caribbean...

Also, Lincoln started Montessori school last week and totally loves it. It has been a little stressful though with the new "get ready for school" routine in addition to my morning juicing session. I am actually really loving it and feeling that I have plenty of energy to get everything done.

I don't really like the taste of the MSM at all...

I'm looking forward to learning more about this whole fantastic process that I am currently undergoing.

Love and light beams to all of you darlings out there! Every single one of you!

Feasting commencing...

I have been a heavy juicer lately. At least 32 ounces per day starting first thing in the morning. I even made my way completely through an entire quart of beet greens, carrot, and friends combo that tasted exactly like mud and I even almost enjoyed it... It is like my body can't get enough, like I am finally absorbing some nutrition. I think it is really helping me. So then this morning my sista, you know, Jamaica Barbara, announces out of the clear blue that she is juice feasting. So, of course, I jumped on board and proceeded to immediately shove a huge honeydew melon and a few bunches of greens through my juicer and here I am... I don't really have any expectations for this whole process. I guess that I am just looking at it as an interesting experience and a welcome break from dealing with food all the time.

So wish us luck and send us happy juicy vibes! I'll be documenting it all here with honesty and probably some emotional d-raw-ma so stay tuned... I have a feeling that this is the part where it gets really good!

Hugs and kisses to all y'all out there! Beaming you with blessed light rays!

High Vibration Libations!

There is simply nothing like drinking fresh green juice. Lately I have been juicing more and loving it. I had previously avoided juicing too much because my juicer was really obnoxious to clean and veeerrrryyyyy slow, plus I had to cut everything into really small chunks. Boring and tedious. So I didn't really do it too much. And then the other day I got a new Hamilton Beach Big Mouth Juicer at Wal-Mart for $50. I love it. Works great and is very fast and easy to clean up. It probably doesn't get quite as much juice out as my Champion-type juicer does but it's ease of operation more than makes up for that. We have been having green juice made from cucumber, celery, kale, romaine, lemon, apple, and ginger. Big, huge, quarts of green juice. I also made a very beety concoction the other day and made myself a little bit sick to my stomach though... Juicing is definitely making me so much less hungry, and I have much more energy. It is crazy to even imagine how great all those juice feasters must feel! Maybe one day soon I will get a chance to find out...

Hope you are all doing great and feeling well! Big Love to you ALL! Peace.

this morning's hibiscus and a handful of sweeties...

High Raw and Happy!

OK, darlings... Here is an update on my rawness... I am currently eating raw all day and then having a cooked dinner. I don't really know what "%" raw that makes me and frankly, I have given up on the whole "how raw are you?" question. My only answer is raw enough for right now. You see, after I came home from Jamaica, I realized how much stress I was causing myself by playing the whole "I need to be 100% raw or else I'm a failure" game. I'm not doing it anymore. Period. I feel like the stress that I was causing myself by obsessing about my level of rawness was doing more harm than good. Now, I just naturally tend to choose to drink smoothies, juices, teas, and water in the morning and then have some sort of raw veggie dish in the afternoon. My husband and son are "raw concious" vegetarians and I cook dinner for them nightly so I usually enjoy what I cook for them as my night time meal. I really try to avoid wheat, cooked sugar, and dairy like the plague because they make me feel terrible. I thought, for a while, about stopping this blog because I didn't know if I should refer to myself as "rawmama" if I wasn't eating 100% raw. I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to stop this blog and that most raw fooders aren't 100% raw anyway. I am just going to keep doing my thing and documenting it here. I like to blog and I like my level of rawness right now. So I'm just going to keep on keeping on.

Hope you are all feeling fantastic and at peace with where you are on your journey right now. I think you are all fantastic- NO MATTER WHAT! Big love to you all and please be nice to yourselves. Okay?

Here is a picture of a particularly gorgeous papaya from our garden. Enjoy!

The Blessing of the Coconuts...

Lately, Felix has been "foraging" for coconuts... Before you all start having lovely visions of my darling Caribbean husband bushwhacking his way through the jungle and climbing up wicked tall coconut palms all Survivor-style you need to remember that we live in the "concrete jungle" of South Florida... There is no jungle here but there are plenty of coconut trees planted in the lawns of the suburban sprawl. So, for Felix, foraging now amounts to driving around local neighborhoods scoping for a prime bunch of nutties and when he finds a suitable score he knocks on the door of whoever's lawn they are growing in and asks Mr. or Ms. Homeowner, very nicely, if he can please have some. 9 out of 10 times the homeowners are overjoyed to let him have the coconuts because otherwise the nuts will likely just rot on the tree until said homeowner has to pay someone to come and "remove" them since they are so "dangerous" and have been known to fall off and dent the cars parked under them... So, due to the seemingly endless trunk loads of coconuts that have been arriving lately, we have been having one big, long, crazy, coconut party around here. Even the local neighborhood kids have figured out what we have going on and come around hoping to get a nice cool coco to drink. Most of the kids on our street are first generation American children of Bahamian immigrant parents so they are hip to the whole coconut deal and seem to especially love it when Felix whacks the top off the nuts with his very intimidating machete! I, on the other hand, close my eyes or look away when the serious chopping starts... Anyhow, I encourage all of you sub-tropical city dwellers out there to start your own coconut scavenging patrol! Note to beginners- start with short trees and wear a helmet!

Love and blessings to each and every being in the whole wide Universe and beyond!

Now I will conclude by letting y'all know what I am so happy and grateful for right about now...

I am so happy and grateful now that I am so easily able to quickly manifest into my reality:
-one of those fly new Lexus hybrids, green please...
-lovely, peaceful, and harmonious relationships
-an abundant stream of cash flowing into my bank account
-the where-with-all to pay off the mortgage on our house here in Florida

and most importantly-
-a wonderful and enjoyable exit from this lifetime for Grandpa Fred... Bless him.

I have a "gut" feeling...

I have been really under the weather lately... My whole lower abdomen has been in torment for about a week with this weird roving pain. I thought maybe it was a UTI, or IBS, or parasites, or... I have even considered going to the hospital quite a few times which says alot since we all know how I feel about the "medical establishment"... Anyhow, the last two days I have been eating more raw food, giving myself Reiki, and guess what? I know, I don't even have to tell ya... The pain is going away. I am anticipating that it will not occur at all today since I woke up feeling so much better than usual this morning. I am back in action and that is all that really matters now isn't it!

I have a recipe for you today! We have enjoyed it at least 4 times this week so I think that fact makes it a winner in my book! Only the best tried and true yumminess for you, my friends!

SWEET SESAME GINGER SMOOTHIE!

2 tbsp. raw tahini
1.5" cube of peeled ginger
4-6 medjool dates
2 tbsp. raw honey
pinch of sea salt
1 cup purified water

-blend for an eternity until reallllly smooth.
-then add in about 20-30 ice cubes and blend again.
-pour into a fancy glass and enjoy!

ps- the fancy glass makes it taste better, FYI...

Guess what? Today is Lincoln's Birthday!

Yup, you heard me right- today is my son Lincoln's birthday! Yesterday was my birthday and now today is Lincoln's birthday! We have been crazy busy celebrating around here, let me tell ya! Linc is all sorts of happy riding his new Razor scooter around the house and playing with his new soccer goal along with all the other stuff! Now I have to go and bake his birthday cake. I tried to talk him into having a raw cake but he wasn't having any of that... He did request banana ice cream instead of the regular stuff though! Yipee!

Wishing my little boy the happiest 5th birthday ever and as many smiles and laughs as he can stand! Oh, and lots of love and blessings to all of you out there too!

They say it's my birthday!

Today, I turn 32. Finally. For some reason, for the past year I have been telling everyone that asks me how old I am that I am 32. I don't know why. Maybe I was just subconsciously very excited to turn 32. It feels like this will be a very good year for me. I am actually starting to feel like a grown-up which is kind of nice but also sort of scary. As an Aries this is supposedly very normal as we are the eternal children of the zodiac. Anyhow, thanks to everyone for all of their birthday wishes, especially the darling Connie of the Naked Food Cafe who delighted me with a birthday post first thing this morning! It feels so great to be wished well by so many lovely human beings. Awww.

I have a bunch of big plans for this year (what's new?) and feel like I worked through a bunch of emotional stuff last year and am finally ready to start this year off fresh, composed, and determined. Maturity does have it's benefits.

And now for an update on my progress using the techniques demonstrated on the TLC television series "I can make you thin" with Paul McKenna. On last weeks episode, #2 of the series, we learned about dealing with emotional eating. I was looking forward to his advice on this topic since I have been noticing some good results using the techniques he presented on the first episode. I have been eating, on average, about one third of what I used to eat before I saw the show. I have also been slowly but surely becoming more in touch with my body's hunger and fullness signals which I now know I had absolutely no concept of previously. So on the emotional eating show we learned the Callahan Technique which is a tapping technique similar to EFT but simpler. I was kind of concerned about implementing the tapping technique because when I have done EFT in the past it has really brought up some intensely disturbing emotions that I have spent years repressing. Dealing with all of these repressed emotions is simply an exhausting and very uncomfortable experience. And frankly, I am scared to deal with it. But, even though I have been a little more emotionally up and down since I started using the Callahan tapping method, I would say that it is helping quite a bit. I have been able to avoid emotional/stress overeating quite a few times by doing a round or two of tapping. That is the upside. The difficult part is that by avoiding anesthetizing myself with food I still have to deal with my overwhelming emotions which, I am realizing, is just something I am going to have to learn how to do, hopefully happily. At least the tapping technique takes the edge off and I'm all for that. In general, the Callahan technique seems a little gentler to me than EFT. I do find both ways of tapping extremely effective and would definitely recommend them to anyone who in confronted by emotional or stress overeating. I am also noticing that when I take a minute to decide what I really want to eat I am often very surprised by my choices. I am increasingly choosing more and more raw foods voluntarily! Thank Goddess! For example, this past week I have been really digging celery sticks with a creamy raw dressing/dip that I made with sunflower seeds. I even made a list of all the things I could think of that I really, truly wanted to eat and they were all raw! In general, I am just thrilled about how natural this whole experience feels and I am truly grateful that the Universe blessed me with it.

Anyhow darlings, I'm going to leave you now with blessings of health, wealth, happiness and love. Thanks for caring and big love to you all!

I am so happy an grateful now that I am easily and joyfully manifesting into my life:
-a smooth and joyful immigration processing experience for Felix and I.
-financial freedom and abundance.
-health, happiness, and harmony.
-the most beautiful and vibrant expression of life that this body can muster!
-emotional comfort, poise, and calm.
-serenity and grace.
-self confidence, presence, and highest consciousness.
-irie, irie, vibes...
-the ability to be a big time philanthropist.
-total mind/body/spirit healing.

Tag- I'm it!

I got tagged today by the lovely Mattye Lee and now I get to reveal five things about me that you don't already know. I took me all day to think of these five things because I'm such a blabber-mouth that I think I told you all just about everything there is to tell without exposing any not-so-innocent bystanders... So here we go.

1. I used to be a pretty good bowler in spite of myself. You see, my stepmother's family are big into bowling. And since she knew I hated it, I was made to bowl every Saturday morning for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually like 7 years or so... I was on a team/league and everything. It was so not my thing. But after seven years of anything, one gets good at it even if it is against their will... But, finally, when I turned 15 I got my first job, which leads us to previously unknown fact #2...

2. When I was 15, my then best friend moved away to Virginia and I racked up a $700 phone bill the first month that she was gone. So, in order for me to pay for the mega-phone bill, my Mom hired me out as an indentured servant to her best friend, Yvonne, who owned a flower shop. That was my first job and I loved it from the first minute I was there. I learned so much from Yvonne, who I now consider my second mother, that I was able to work very successfully in the flower industry for over 10 years. I was working as a floral designer when I met Felix and it was the last job I had before taking on my current job as full time Mommy.

3. I have participated in what seems to have been a miraculous healing. In the winter of 2000, me and Barbara (the one I went to Jamaica with) were at a reggae concert at Lupo's in Providence, RI. I think it was Stevie Marley... We were dancing and having a great time when these people bumped into us because they were dragging an unconscious and convulsing young man towards the door. So Barbara-on-the-spot bends down and starts giving him Reiki (we are both Reiki Masters) and I put one hand on her back and one hand up in the air and add my Reiki stream to hers. It probably only took a couple of minutes or so but seemed like hours, and suddenly the kid sits up and looks around with the most beautiful look on his face, then stands up and walks out of the club. All the people who were around us were standing in a circle looking at us like we were aliens. We were embarrassed and went outside to make sure the kid was alright but he was gone. His friend said he was having a drug overdose. It was a very profound moment in my life.

4. My favorite food is honey. I try to give it up all the time because it isn't technically vegan, but I always go back to it. I also use it to wash my face with and to put on cuts to help them heal faster. That's also why I get called Queen B, because of all the honey eating. Lincoln told me the other day that I like honey as much as Winnie the Pooh... Unfortunately I also share Winnie's aversion to calisthenics...

5. Now, this last one is kind of embarrassing and, well, it is just weird. Whenever, I am talking to someone from another country, especially a non-English speaking country, I take on this weird semi-British accent completely non-voluntarily and start speaking very clearly and enunciating like crazy. I think it started when I used to talk to my Kashmiri friend, Hanief, on the phone all the time. I think I just do it in an effort to help whomever it is that I am trying to communicate with to understand me better. I'm not sure that it helps though... My friends laugh at me and make fun of me for it which I think is mean because I truly DO NOT do it on purpose. I had to work really hard on not doing it in Jamaica especially because I didn't want to embarrass Barbara in front of her family... I think I did o.k. though, because no one laughed at me while I was talking to them... But, they could have just been trying to be nice.

So there you have it, 5 things you didn't know and probably didn't even want to know about me but...

Oh, and by the way, how do you like my new tunes? I take requests, you know...

Big blessings to everyone out there and sweet dreams!

No Thank You Easter Bunny!

Ugghhh... Cadbury Mini Eggs... I ate about 5 last night while I was making Lincoln's Easter Basket. I ate them consciously and slowly and enjoyed them, so that was all good. No big deal. Then, this morning as Lincoln was biting the ears off of his chocolate bunny, I ate about 10 more. Same deal with eating them consciously, etc. No big deal again, so that was great. But then, about 10 minutes later, I felt really, really bad... My legs began to ache, my stomach hurt, and I felt all hot and generally yucky. I wondered, "Could all of this be from ten tiny little chocolate eggs?" Umm, the answer to that is yes, because I didn't consume anything else so that must have been it. You have to understand that back in the day I could eat a whole bag of the nasty little things and not feel a thing besides a bit of a sugar buzz. However, I am happy that I was able to enjoy the taste of the chocolate treat without wanting to eat any more than I did. That by itself is a big deal for me. I am also realizing that my body and mind are sometimes at odds when it comes to what I want to eat. In this instance, my mind wanted the mini eggs and my body wanted a raw chocolate and tahini mylkshake. Since I didn't have the stuff I needed to make the mylkshake, I opted for the chocolate eggs... Lesson learned. My body, in it's infinite intelligence, will be the one deciding what I eat from now on. I am just so glad that I can finally actually "hear" my body when it is communicating with me now... It's voice is soft and gentle and it will tolerate being ignored. (It is probably used to me ignoring it after all of these years.) My mind, on the other hand, is much louder, difficult to ignore, and definitely thinks that it knows best... I'm just so happy that my body and I are now able to dialogue! Hallelujah! I am so happy and grateful for my lovely Easter blessing!

Happy Easter to everyone out there! Blessings on your own personal resurrections and joy to you all on this blessed day!

New Experiment...

Last Sunday, at 9 pm. eastern time, TLC had a show on called "I can make you thin" so, naturally, I watched it. It was all about the techniques of this British dude named Paul McKenna who has helped all sorts of folks with their weight loss journeys. He has a 71% success rate so I figured that I would give his techniques an honest try. It is a five or six week program/show and all of the techniques build upon each other. Last Sunday's show was all about paying attention to what/when/how you eat. Paul has 4 golden rules that he asks us to follow-
1. eat when you are hungry
2. eat what you want, not what you think you should eat
3. eat consciously, slowly, and without distractions
4. when you are full, stop
Seems simple, right? Well, let me just tell ya, it is powerful. I now totally realize how dysfunctional my relationship with food is/was and how little food I actually need to eat to be full and satisfied. I have also realized that the foods I truly want to eat are nourishing and almost exclusively raw, which is a very good thing! However, because I am no longer actively participating in my all out food addiction, lots of previously buried painful feelings are coming to the surface and raising their incredibly unattractive little heads... It has been a tumultuous and often overwhelming experience but I am happy to report that I haven't overeaten even once this week and have been very happily high raw. I have also noticed that the longer I do this the healthier my food choices are becoming. I am looking forward to this weeks episode as it has to do with using EFT to deal with emotional overeating which I am a specialist at... (the emotional overeating not the EFT...) Also, Paul says to only weigh yourself one or twice per month, so I'm going to wait until the whole series of shows is over to see what my results are. In general, this approach to weight loss seems very freeing and most importantly very healing. I feel like I am actually getting to the bottom of my food related issues and for that I am very grateful.

Big love and support to you all and I hope you have a great day!

I'll leave you with my magic manifestation list of gratitude and love, love, love!

I am so happy and grateful now that I am so quickly and easily attracting into my life:
*a large and fantastically beautiful piece of tropical paradise in the Caribbean to care for, build our dream home on, and thrive upon
*a gorgeous new car
*the best relationship with Felix that I can possibly have which is filled with love, joy, comfort, and humor
*my most healthy and beautiful body/mind/spirit
*financial abundance complete with philanthropic ability
*at least 3 hours every day of quiet, peaceful, time alone...
*a healthy relationship with food and eating
*an increasing amount of presence in my life
*peace and satisfaction

I'm a 3rd world girl at heart...

So I am finally back. Jamaica is/was paradise. Our one week vacation turned into two weeks (we couldn't bear to leave) and even though I have been home for about 10 days, I still feel like I left a big part of me in Jamaica. I felt this way when I came home from India, too... You see, I don't do the touristy travelling thing. No all inclusive, plastic, environmental nightmare resorts for me! I was shocked to learn that many of those places do not even allow local Jamaicans to walk on their beaches, never mind actually enter the resort (unless of course they are there to work for slave wages...) We had a real Jamaican experience and I am forever grateful for it!

We (me, my sista/bff Barbara, and little Lincoln) stayed at the adorable and very real-life Jamaican Ansell's Thatchwalk Cottages on Negril Beach. We started and ended every day with a swim in the perfect aquamarine sea. In fact, Lincoln even learned how to swim all by himself while we were there! The healing vibes that come from that gorgeous water cannot be expressed in words...

However, the best thing about the whole trip wasn't the beauty, the sea, the food, the excitement of the whole thing, no, it was the incredible people. You see, Barbara is married to a Jamaican man, named Owen, who has three of the most darling brothers in the entire Universe. The three brothers (Norris, Howie, and Vanlie) basically took care of us the entire time we were there. They got us anything we needed, cooked for us, took us all over the place and made us laugh countless times. They were fantastic!



We also got to take a trip up into the mountains to Barbara's mother in law's house. It was an incredible and totally mind blowing experience to see how people can live so simply off the land and be so much happier than most affluent Americans... We had a wonderful time with all of the nieces and nephews, who were all so brave, smart, and hysterical! They picked fresh cacao pods for us and showed us how to eat the lovely fruit. Interestingly, they often throw away the cacao beans, which, by the way, were an astonishing purple color!



As far as food goes, Jamaica is very vegetarian/vegan friendly in the form of Ital cooking, the traditional food of the Rastafarian's, who we all know I hold an extra special fondness for... We ate at a great place called "Just Natural" and also at the more fancy "Hungry Lion". I wasn't focused on eating raw, even though it would have been fairly easy to do. I was having too great of a time to worry about it! Howie and Norris cooked real Jamaican food for us and it was great. One morning Norris showed up with a big bag of ackee, yams, and breadfruit, all fresh picked from his Mom's trees! We definitely would not have gotten that at an "all-inclusive"!



My experience in Jamaica was perfect. I didn't ever want to leave and I could see myself living there very easily. I felt fantastic and beautiful and free. I felt myself thriving and was blissfully happy. Lincoln felt the love too and it was great to see him experience the West Indian side of himself! Now that we are back in Florida and back to "reality", whatever that means, I am realizing that a major shift occurred in me during my time in Jamaica. My priorities have changed and it will be interesting to see how it manifests in my life...



Most importantly, I want to send my hugest dose of gratitude to my darling sista Barbara for making the whole adventure possible and for being such a loving and supportive blessing in my life! Thank you more than I can ever express! xxoo



Big ups to all of you peaceful warriors out there! Big love and Irie vibes to each and every Emperor and Empress! One Love!

Surfacing...

Stress just took me down. Way. Down. Under. Man, sometimes it just seems like life is too tough. But- we made it through and I am very grateful for that. It wasn't anything tragic, just a bunch of stuff piling up more quickly than I seemed to be able to deal with it. I didn't stay raw and did suffer for it, unfortunately, but the past is the past and who cares about it any way, especially because-

I'M GOING TO JAMAICA!!!

Actually, me and Lincoln are going with and courtesy of my best, craziest, and most fun friend, Barbara! I am so happy I decided to be "so happy and grateful" for it in advance. Wow, that gratitude/manifestation stuff works reallll goooooddd... We leave on February 26 and I am fast becoming overexcited! Linc just wants to make sure that he has sand toys which must include a big shovel...

Big love and plenty of blessings to you and now I'll conclude with my magic list of manifestation, seeing how it works so good, and all... xxxooo

I am so happy and grateful now that I am so quickly and easily attracting into my reality:
-a damn fine car, seriously...
-enough money so I'll never even have to think about it again for as long as I live in this body...
-enough joy to make sure that I laugh out loud for at least 90 mins. per day total
-all the time I could possibly want to spend with my loved ones
-a large, beautiful piece of tropical paradise on which to habitate and thrive
-a completely fullfilling and blissful existance
-my most healthy and beautiful body/mind/spirit

Frog & Snake Medicine!

Last night, after everyone else went to bed, I had a visit from a gorgeous little golden colored tree frog! This little being was very friendly and came hopping right tword me on three different occasions! I believe that when animals make their presence known to us it is a blessing and a way in which our higher self attempts to communicate with us. This is what I discovered about the messages of frog:

Frog:
DRUID ANIMAL ORACLE
Sensitivity, Medicine, Hidden Beauty and Power

ANIMAL SPEAK
Transformation through Water and Sound

Because frogs are found in water and on land they hold the magic of both. Water has long been associated with emotional cleansing. Mud, the combination of earth and water is used in healing therapies to rid the body of toxins. Because those with this medicine are extremely sensitive the use of mud baths is advised.

The frog is a totem of metamorphosis. Most frogs undergo a two stage life cycle. Eggs hatch into tadpoles which grow and eventually become adults. This signifies the awakening of ones creativity. When frog leaps into a persons life it is an invitation to jump into their creative power. To do this it is helpful to know which stage of life you are presently in. By studying the characteristics of the frog the discovery of your present life cycle is known.

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And then, if that wasn't enough, I was blessed by the presence of a gorgous snake this morning. It was just lying there on the top of the AC unit right outside the back door! Gorgeous thing it was. Here is what I learned about the massages of snake.

DRUID ANIMAL ORACLE
Transformation, Healing, Life Energy

ANIMAL SPEAK (as SNAKE)
Rebirth, Resurrection, Initiation, Wisdom

Important Snake Teaching: New Beginnings

The power of Snake medicine is creative. It is being able to shed the old and create the new, just as the snake sheds its old skin and emerges as a whole new creature. As the snake crawls away, it leaves its old “life/skin” behind, never looking back and thus always creating a new beginning. This medicine can serve as a powerful metaphor for those wishing to break free.

The snake symbolizes healing on a cellular level. Because their bodies are lightweight and flexible they have speed and agility. When they enter into your world expect swift changes to sweep through your life. These changes signify a death of the old and a birth into untapped power, creativity and wisdom. Snake is a powerful totem to have. Only those with a high degree of spiritual training, be it past or present, will be awarded this totem. It is the guardian of sacred places and the keeper of hidden knowledge.

Well, alrighty then... I guess I am in for a grand old time of transformation, metamorphosis, and creative expression via mudbaths and skin-shedding... What fun and how appropriate!

And now for my daily manifestation exercises...

I am so happy and greatful now that I am so quickly and easily manifesting into my life:
my most healthy and beautiful body/mind/spirit.
a beautiful place that I can settle into and make into our family home.
an easy and enjoyable path to financial freedom.
the completion, publication, and vigorous sale of my first book.
the best relationship I can have with all of my loved ones.
the best tropical vacation ever!!!
vibrant health through living food for myself and others.
a fun and rewarding daily yoga practice.
an enlightening daily meditation practice.
enough money to pay off our house, in full.

10 things I love and appreciate about Lincoln:
his laughter
the really funny things that he does
his beautiful smile
his wisdom and compassion
the snuggles that he gives me
his little hands and feet
his determination
his sensitivity
his non-violent nature
his contagious joy!

Bright blessings and big love to everyone out there!

PS- The spellchecker on blogger doesn't seem to be working for me right now. So if you see some typos, please understand... XXOO

Tremendous Un-Tuna!!

Have you ever eaten a raw food version of a SAD favorite and had it taste so similar that your body is completely fooled? Me neither until very recently. You have to understand that I am not too much into trying to imitate my favorite cooked foods with gourmet raw recipes (except for cheesecake and taco salads) because the resulting faux-SAD-rawfood-creation is never really as satisfying as the real thing, in my honest opinion. The one exception to this rule seems to be raw desserts which I personally find to be better than their SAD cousins in most cases. However, I made some un-tuna salad the other day from a recipe I found on the Raw Freedon Community and flipped my own self right out! Maybe it is because I have been a vegetarian for so long that I don't accurately remember what tuna actually tastes like but as far as I'm concerned, this stuff was really just like tuna. As a kid I used to love tuna grinders which are the New England equivalent of tuna subs or hoagies, but better, of course... They consist of tuna salad on a white flour roll with mayo, provalone cheese, sliced tomatoes, and loads of shredded lettuce (or if you are really lucky, shredded cabbage). In my pre-veggie days I used to eat at least two per week. They are probably the one thing that I really missed when I gave up eating meat. No, let me take that back, I also missed eating cheeseburgers... So anyway, I made this un-tuna salad and when I ate it, I swear to you, my body was like "What are you doing??? That is meat you are eating!!! Why are you eating TUNAFISH???" It tasted and looked and smelled just like tuna salad. Unbelievable. I served the un-tuna-salad on almond bread with cashew mayo, sliced tomatoes, and shredded romaine lettuce. It was just great. It also looked just like tuna as you can see from this picture I took of it...

Hope you are all having a lovely Groundhog Day/Imbolc... Big loves and springtime wishes to you all, except you Southern Hemisphere darlings to whom I wish a happy late summer/ early Autumn, right? Well anyways, have a fantastic day! XXOO

I'll leave you with my exercises in gratitude...

I AM SO HAPPY AND GREATFUL NOW THAT:
My son is so happy and well behaved...
My relationship with my husband is romantic and peaceful.
I am financially free and independant.
I live in the perfect house in the perfect place for me to be the best I can be.
I enjoy my life's work.
I feel fulfilled and happy no matter what.
I live in joy and bliss.
I feel greatful in every moment.
My body/mind/spirit is healthy happy and whole.
I am peaceful and at ease.

10 THINGS I LOVE AND APPRECIATE ABOUT MY MOM:
She is funny.
She is loving.
She is positive and optimistic.
She is kind.
She is sensitive.
She is youthful.
She is unique and eccentric.
She knows how to take charge of a situation when she needs to.
She believes in me.
She takes great care of my Grandmother, her mom...

Something is better than nothing...

Today is the first day of February so I weighed myself to see how much weight I released this month... I am now 283.5 lbs. This means that I am 2.5 lbs. lighter than on January 1st. I was certainly hoping for more but if you read my last post you know what a crazy month this was. I am realizing that it is really important for me to stabilize into an all raw diet before I start trying to get all fancy and low-fat... I tend to get over-confident and impatient and want to have all the weight go away immediately and throw myself into the low fat, mono-mealing raw thang and then by dinner time I am into the cooked food... Uggghhhh.... So no more of that. Raw is all. Raw is my only concern. I have said this before, and this time I am realizing how important it is for me to really mean it! So off I go to make myself a mango and tahini smoothie!

Big blessings and love to everyone in the universe! Peace! XXOO

PS- I'm not taking new pictures this month cause the weight loss isn't really noticeable. Next month I'm sure it will be!

Also- I have decided to put my law of attraction exercises here. I do the "I am so happy and great-full now that..." list of things that I am currently intending to manifest. I also occasionally do the "10 things I love and appreciate about ______." This exercise has helped me to strengthen quite a few of my reltionships and it always makes me feel more appreciative of the people in my life.

I AM SO HAPPY AND GREAT-FULL NOW THAT:
I live in abundance and am financially free.
My relationships are all loving and very fullfilling.
I live in the perfect house in the perfect place for me to express the best of who I am.
My first book is completed and published and selling very well.
The wellness studio space in CT is completed and operating with great success.
My body/mind/spirit is radiantly healthy and happy.
My relationships with all of the important people in my life are healthy, happy, and joyfull.
I live in bliss, ecstasy, and joy.
I have the perfect wardrobe for me.
I am taking a very fun and relaxing vacation to tropical paradise.

10 THINGS I LOVE AND APPRECIATE ABOUT FELIX:
1. he is adorable
2. he is ingenious
3. he is very brave
4. his determination
5. his accent
6. his supportive nature
7. his positive attitude
8. he is a great father
9. he is very genuine
10.his friendship

Wheat is not sweet for me to eat...

This has been an interesting month to say the very least... Aside from big doses of everyday life drama, I had some real revelations about me and food. I started out the month of January by posting my (not the most flattering) full body pictures and my weight, which was extremely embarrassing, humiliating, humbling, etc... After I made the plunge and did that I had a big ole emotional meltdown, forayed into cooked food land, did some major binging and gained about 8 lbs. putting me at 293 lbs!!! Fortunately, with the support of many cyber darlings, I eventually dealt with the whole ordeal and was starting to feel pretty great. By mid-month I was back to 100% raw and by about the 24Th of January I got down to 281.5 lbs... I had lost about 12 lbs. in 10 days eating raw cheesecake everyday!!! I was very happy. But then, just when I was getting raw full swing, money issues came to call. I am usually not too worried if the almighty dollars get too tight as I am not much of a consumer and am pretty good at stretching a buck. However, these money issues were extreme... The guy that Felix has been working for the last three weeks decided not to pay Felix the balance that he owed... Not a small balance by the way, enough to pay for all of our bills including the mortgage and groceries and still have some left over. Also, let me mention that the non-paying guy lives in a $500,000 house and he and his wife both drive very big, diplomat style Mercedes... His reason for not paying Felix was that he didn't have the money... So, needless to say, our grocery selections haven't been the best and I have gained back 4.5 lbs. eating bread, cooked starch, etc., and I am back to exactly the weight I started off the month at- 286 lbs! HOWEVER, I am very impressed with myself because I did not binge at all. I think that the 4.5 lbs. weight gain is basically just my body reacting to food that it doesn't digest well, especially wheat... And I am definately not going to let this whole deal get the best of me... I have managed to scrape together enough food to do a green smoothie feast for the few remaining days of January. We will just have to wait and see what kind of results I get.

Big love to all of you and keep on keepin' on!

This picture was taken the same day as one of those that I dreaded posting in the beginning of January. Amazingly, I don't feel weird about posting this one at all. Thanks to all of the amazing cyber love and support I recieved during my meltdown at the beginning of this month I feel much more loving and accepting tword myself and my wonderful resiliant body! I am sending big, huge, heartfelt gratitude out to each and everyone of you who reached out and helped me during my recent dark days! Your love has healed me!!! xxoo!