Still Juicy...

I am still juice feasting though I have had a couple of challenges with it. The first challenge is that we were temporarily out of cash this week so I ended up doing more master cleanse drinks than juice and that didn't really work out too well. I would feel fine all day but by the evenings I was starving and couldn't resist the temptation of the cooked dinner that I made for the fam. I don't think that the master cleanse contains enough nutrition to keep me from feeling hungry. Green juice, on the other hand, makes me feel nourished and calm and happy. I am also a big fan of watermelon juice. There is a Jamaican guy who sells native watermelons on the side of the road right next to Lincoln's school! It is like a watermelon drive-thru! I am going to start buying them from him this week now that we have some money again... The other challenge that I have had is cooking and preparing the families cooked food. It is just torturous. The smells, the taste, the whole deal. It is like a heroin addict trying to kick his 20 year habit while preparing fixes for other junkies all day, every day. It sucks. So I have been really thinking and, honestly, praying about how I can be strong enough to resist this terrible temptation and finally heal from my lifelong crippling addiction to food. I have been over at least 100 scenarios in my mind about how I can continue to cook for my family and be successful as a juice feaster and ultimately as a raw foodist. This has been my challenge now for over two years and I am so tired of struggling with it. I really, really know in my heart that my true desire is to be healthy, vibrant, and free from constantly indulging in my addiction to cooked food. I know that living raw is my path to achieving this. I just feel that I need to be free to jump into and devote all of my energy to my chosen raw path without constantly having to go back to cooking everyday. I feel like I am trying to live in two worlds at once. It isn't fun. By last night I was ready to just give up the whole thing and throw in the towel and just try to accept a life of being fat and depressed. I was severely bummed out to say the least. Then Felix finally came home (he has been working 12 hour days for over a month straight) and I was discussing with him what he wanted for food this week as I was planning on going grocery shopping this morning. He announced that all he wants to eat is juice, smoothies, salads with avocado and raw Caesar dressing, an occasional piece of spouted bread, and some raw sweets of some sort. He said that the raw food I make is really delicious and that he has more energy when he doesn't eat any cooked food. He also admitted that he has been throwing out the cooked part of the lunches that I pack for him because he realized that he gets tired after he eats it. He said that he didn't want to tell me about throwing out the lunches because he knows how hard it is for me to constantly be dealing with cooked food when I am doing such a great job on my juice feast! HALLELUJAH!!! EUREKA!!! AMEN!!! And the best part of the whole thing is that I never even said a word to him about how I was struggling with cooking for him, etc... That means that this is a miracle, plain and simple. As far as cooking for Lincoln goes, I'm just not sure how to deal with that part yet. He already has a raw smoothie for breakfast and then I pack him a vegan/vegetarian/mostly organic lunch for school. That part is no big deal and he is very happy with his lunches even though they are different than the other kids who all eat the SAD. What to feed him for dinner is a little trickier... Right now he eats mostly grain based dinners like rice pasta and homemade sauce, rice and beans (though he usually picks out all of the beans...), pancakes, scrambled eggs and toast, veggie sandwiches on Ezekiel bread, potatoes, etc. It isn't really a big deal for me to make these foods for him usually but sometimes when I am feeling weak it is still a huge challenge. Plus, I know Lincoln would feel better if he would eat more raw, unprocessed food. Plus, he has quite the love affair with soy milk which we have to work on getting rid of... I'm just going to have to do the best I can to slowly improve his diet without him really noticing. If anyone out there has any ideas on how to do this I would love to hear your suggestions...

I am feeling pretty good health-wise. I am not going to day that I feel great because I am still very tired and often cranky but that could also be due to all the emotional stuff and stress that I have been going through. I am losing weight but am not sure how much because I have banished the scale. It makes me too mental to weigh myself because I end up obsessing over it and weighing myself constantly. I figure that it is doing more harm than good so I am avoiding it. Plus I have been having my period this week and that didn't help either...

This has definitely been a serious and challenging journey so far, but I am looking forward to see what the rest of it brings now that I am more free of my cooked food demon. I think I might be starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and for that I am very grateful...

Sista Barbara is also still juice feasting! She is doing great and her diabetes is healing! Hip Hip Horay! She drinks mostly green vegetable juice and some various melon juices. She is also a huge fan of coconut water which is "half orgasmic" as far as she is concerned... She also has added some raw cacao and spirulina to her supplement regime for added mineralization and because it tastes good. If she is overwhelmingly hungry in the evenings she eats some lettuce or spinach with some avocado or occaionally a banana. She is losing weight very quickly and is feeling great!

Love and lightbeams with blissful frequencies to you all, you darling humans you!