Doing great!

I'm doing great with the low fat raw thang... I have lost 3 lbs. overnight and will be excited to see how many more are gone by tomorrow morning. I am not going to document my food intake like I said I was though. It just gets too obsessive compulsive for me and besides I am always losing my little piece of paper that has what I ate for the day written down on it...

I made a great smoothie yesterday and thought I would share it with you!

Cherry Papaya Paradise Smoothie:
1 small papaya (ours was from one of the papaya trees in our backyard... awww...)
1 10 oz. bag frozen cherries
1 peeled lime
1 banana

Blend forever and enjoy with your eyes closed imagining you are in tropical paradise!
Makes a little over 1 quart and I drank the whole thing myself...

I have fooled around long enough...

OK kids! No more messing around for me. I have now been raw conscious for over two years and am at the exact weight I was when I first discovered raw foodism... This is only due to my constant backsliding and getting on and off the "wagon" innumerable times in this two year period. I have lost (and regained) the same 10-30 lbs. at least 10 times. Well, I have had enough of all that. I'm back with the Raw Food Boot camp crew at Carlene Jones' amazing new Rawk Village. I am currently participating in a 4 day fruit only challenge which will hopefully help to peel off the newest 5 lbs. of holiday chub that has recently attached itself firmly to my ass... And yes, it is 100% pure cooked vegan chub. I will be documenting my food intake and weight loss here for a while at least until this whole 100% low fat raw thing becomes second nature which will, with any luck, happen sooner rather than later... It has been an eye opener for me to realize that I gain weight just as easily eating cooked vegan food as I do eating SAD/vegetarian. I don't get as depressed eating vegan though. It seems like when I eat veggie/SAD I am depressed, binge, and gain weight. When I eat cooked vegan I also gain weight and binge, but I am not as depressed. When I eat high fat raw I don't really lose any weight and I have massive cravings for cooked food but I feel really happy and well. And when I eat low-fat raw I lose weight really quickly, feel great (almost so great I don't even know what to do with myself), have almost no cravings and definitely no depression. I actually find myself on such a raw high that I freak my own self right out. But, I am going to have to get used to it because low-fat 100% raw is what works best for the weight loss and that is what I am all about right now. I have sincerely had it with being fat.

Hope you all had a great holiday and wishing you the best in the new year.

The best CHAI ever!!!

I have been noticing lately that by allowing myself to have and enjoy my beloved cup of chai tea first thing every morning I feel very satisfied and happy. I love chai tea. It is my favorite drink, period. But, I was noticing that the soymilk in the chai made me feel lethargic and started me craving cooked food immediately. So last night I put a couple of organic chai teabags into cold, purified water and let them "steep" overnight. When I woke up this morning I served the tea over ice with fresh, raw almond milk and raw honey... It was absolutely the best chai ever! I loved that it was cold and the almond milk and honey tasted better to me not having been heated up by the hot tea. This will be my new morning ritual.

Lincoln made a really great batch of green juice this am. Nothing cuter than a 4 year old making the morning juice...

I'm working on about 25 projects and 3 paintings all at the same time so I really gotta go now...

Good News!

I listed on Ft. Lauderdale Freecycle that we have 4 papaya and 4 mango trees (little, sapling trees that volunteered from our compost pile) to give away. And guess what- the response was HUGE! I had about 20 responses in less than 8 hours! I didn't think that anyone would be interested in them because we have seen so few people here in South Florida who seem to do any gardening at all... Which, BTW, I find very strange as the weather is fantastic even if the soil is kind of sandy... I think that the huge response from so many who wanted to "adopt" out little baby trees is such a great indicator that people still do value home grown fruits!

We generally just throw all of our compost items- mostly just raw fruit and veg scraps-into what could be loosely described as a compost pile and guess what, so many gorgeous little plants just spring up from where we threw the scraps. Felix, (who is the one who can actually identify the baby plants) and I have decided that from now on we will pot up the little plants and give them away for a very small donation (just to pay for the pots, soil, and water)from time to time. It feels great to pass on these little gems to such happy gardeners.

A strange thing is happening to me, I am naturally craving more raw foods. It seems like since I have taken the "be 100% raw or else" pressure off myself I am now automatically choosing to eat more raw... In my honest opinion, after 2 years of "struggling" to be a "raw fooder", the key to getting all raw is staying vegan, and offering yourself more and more fresh, raw choices that you genuinely desire because they are delicious and you actually like to eat them more than your old cooked food standbys! I realize now that any time I eat any animal products, and especially dairy!, it seems to instigate a binge and also make me ultra, ultra emotional and very angry... Funny thing is that when I was trying to "be strong" and stay "100% raw" and "conquer my cooked food addictions" whenever I fell off "the wagon" it was always for something containing cheese and usually white flour, things which I hadn't eaten with any regularity for quite a long time BEFORE I ever even attempted to become a "raw fooder"... I really applaud all of the raw teachers who advocate a gentle transition from cooked to raw, especially for those "aspiring rawists" with eating disorders or even mild dysfunctional behaviors regarding food. For me, as soon as I heard about raw food I thought, this is the cure I have been looking for! I believed, because I was led to believe, that if I was able to completely give up all cooked food I would be healed of my obesity and food issues forever. And since giving up eating meat had been so easy for me, I just figured that abstaining from cooked food would be just as easy... Boy was I wrong about that one... So if you are having a hard time being a "perfect" raw fooder, just know that you are not alone and to try being gentle with yourself. You are perfect, whole, and magnificent, just the way you are right here, right now. And I commend anyone who has even the slightest interest or motivation to accept responsibility for their own health. Blessings on your own, very personal, raw journey...

Peaceful, easy feeling...

I have cleaned and applied Feng Shui principles to my office/laundry room and I feel so much better! This area of my house is the wealth or love/relationships area of the house (depending on who you ask) so it was vitally important for me to fix it up and make it pretty. Well don't you just know- we woke up this morning to a man calling Felix about a very good job from an old friend of his! And then I found a person on freecycle who is GIVING AWAY FOR FREE an entire house-full of beautiful furniture! I am waiting to hear back from him about the stuff but it would be great to have a couple of new end tables, plant stands, coffee table, etc. And- we have had our 1995 Isuzu Rodeo parked in our backyard since March of 2006... It was looking pretty ghetto and seriously detracting from the nice gardens Felix just put in. So yesterday Harry,the car magician, came over and had the truck running and moved from the backyard to the front driveway in less than 5 minutes and all it cost was $20! Hallelujah! And the truck is actually running really nicely even though we were told by a few people, not Harry the car magician, that it was only good for the junkyard... Yippee! So to all of you out there who are Feng Shui curious- try it! It works miraculously! I have used it, to a varying extent, for 10 years now and am convinced of its power and effectiveness! Try it you won't be sorry...

I am really happy with my diet these past few days. I have been 60-70% raw and all vegan except for honey and 2 eggs a couple days ago. I haven't been eating any cow dairy at all, and I have noticed a big difference in my vitality level and haven't had any bad moods. I have typically been eating: a cup of chai with honey and vanilla soymilk in the morning when I wake up, a few hours later a homemade hummus-avocado-tomato-sprout mountain sandwich on Ezekial sesame bread, at around 2 pm I make us a raw cacao-maca mylkshake and we sit on the front porch and moan and smile while we drink it, then for dinner I usually make a lowish fat combo of beans/tons of veggies/starchy veggie or grain and a big, raw salad with raw dressing. We also have been making a green juice about every other day. I am noticing that when I don't eat all fruit meals my mood is much more stable and I don't get that massive "high", which is good. So far, this seems to be the best diet I have been on for some time as far as keeping my depression at bay AND keeping my mood stable-ish at least. My digestion is also much more happy than when I eat really nut-heavy meals. I have not been binging at all and think this has a lot to do with not feeling deprived and stressed out about my diet. I am just eating what sounds good and healthy for me at the moment. Being stressed out the whole time I am trying my hardest to be 100% raw seems to be less healthy for my body than being %70 percent raw with a stable mood and happy, optimistic outlook. Besides, I am still losing weight, about 2-3 lbs. per week.

Love to you all and big, fat blessings!

Peeling the onion...

Just so you all know- I Love Jesus, too, just in my own special way. I just re-read my last post and realized that it could have been considered a little off-putting... So, I apologise for that.

Anyhow, I have been about 60-70% raw and mostly vegan, my weight is stable and coming off very slowly, and I am relatively happy and even optimistic. I am loving the green juice and Lincoln has been such a lovely juicer operator, even if he won't actually drink the juice when he is done making it...

I am a fire dragon (according to Chinese astrology and most people who know me even a little) and usually have pretty strong defences (like hard, protective dragon scales) and am also considered quite aggressive (note the fire blazing from my mouth and nostrils) BUT I am also (underneath my impressive serpent scale armour) actually extremely sentimental, overly sentimental... When I eat only raw foods, I literally feel raw, as in "stripped of skin and with the underlying flesh exposed, sensitive because of this" just like according to Oxford American Dictionary definition 6 of "raw"... You know, like when you have an injury, like a skinned knee, and you take the band-aide off and the wind blows on the boo-boo, how sensitive it feels? Well, that is how my whole being feels when I am all raw. I am so emotional and sentimental and feeling like I have been struck by lightning. It feels like giving a really intense Reiki treatment all the time... I honestly am not sure how to function, day to day, with that level of feeling and raw energy blasting through me. Everything just seems to be too much! I mean, I was considered to be an "overly sensitive child" even when I was on the "worst diet ever"...

So, I am doing the best I can. I am happy with myself and achieving balance in my life. I am not suffering and I am satisfied.

One love and all blessings to you, too...

What?

So our neighbors have had on Jesus music since 8am., blasting loud in their backyard and they are all in the house. Maybe they are playing it to scare off the unruly local pagans, heathens, and sinners? Then about an hour ago they lit their BBQ grill and used, it seems, about a gallon of lighter fluid to get the charcoal going. So between the loud music (all about sin and repentance) and the noxious fumes from the grill, my house isn't smelling so nice... And then just a few minutes ago, they put PORK on the grill... So now we have hellfire and brimstone, nasty carcinogens wafting through the air, and the completely unholy, god-awful smell of burning pig flesh... And all of this on a gorgeous Saturday perfect for having the windows open. (BTW, we are the only ones around that I can see that actually have the windows open.) But it seems that we are now in a ventilation unfriendly, AC mandatory, be scared about going to hell in a hand basket, and eat the roasted remains of a being that lived it's entire life in misery and slavery kinda place right now... Makes a nature girl like meself wonder what the hell I am doing here? (Besides drinking my raw carrot-cilantro wonder soup...)

Celebrating two years of raw conciousness...

I'm back in action. We left Connecticut last Monday at 10 am. and almost immediately stopped to a dead halt in NYC on the delightful (not) Cross-Bronx expressway for two hours because an oil truck spilled its cargo all the way across I-95... Lincoln had a meltdown in the backseat because he didn't want to pee in a bottle, not that I would have either, but he finally did and then settled down and we were moving southward once again a short while later. That night we stopped at a Hampton Inn in Selma, NC at around midnight after 14 hours in the car. We specifically stopped at the Hampton Inn because on their advertisements they state that they have very comfortable beds with cotton linens and lovely cotton duvet covers. I really dislike synthetic fibers anywhere near my skin and especially cannot abide those plasticized motel blankets... So the Hampton Inn lies! Their beds and linens are not any more comfortable than any other crappy hotel I have ever stayed in! Just FYI... The next morning we were up and ready to go at about 8 am. and decided to hit the hotel breakfast bar before we started driving. So bagels, cream cheese, pasteurized OJ, and tea with half and half later we hit the road. I knew that it wasn't ideal to eat that food but figured that I wouldn't be such a big deal. I started to get anxious about 4 hours later and we had barely even hit South Carolina, by Georgia me and Felix were arguing, and after a Subway sandwich in north Florida (veggie on whole wheat with pepperjack cheese and mayo) I was crying, nearly hysterical and downright miserable... We finally made it home at 10:30 pm on Tuesday night. I drove the whole way. The first thing I did when we got home was clean the refrigerator from top to bottom, inside and out, sterilization style. Then I plugged it an and nothing... It was dead. We ended up at the pancake house, you know, the international one, at about 1 am eating nasty omelets while Felix and I had a "serious discussion about the future of our relationship"... The next morning I went to two home depots and the Habitat for Humanity Re-Store and finally bought a fridge, on credit..., and drove it home myself in the giant rented home depot truck... I then proceeded to go grocery shopping at two stores braving the day before Thanksgiving crowds. Unbelievably, I felt pretty good. I put all the groceries away and went to sleep. The next day, Thanksgiving day, was a nightmare and is now sort of a disgusting blur. I was totally exhausted, the house was still not all cleaned up and I had dinner to make, a cooked vegan dinner. I do not know why I didn't just give up and go to bed. Me and Felix fought all day and then made up and then finally ate dinner at 6 pm. I didn't even eat very much although it tasted great if I do say so myself. By 10 pm I was in the throes of such stomach pains and gastric distress that I cannot even think of it without breaking out in a sweat. The sickness lasted until Sunday, yesterday morning. Then, last night Lincoln started throwing up at 11 pm and didn't stop until 6 this morning. We had to clean the path from his bed to the bathroom about 4 times and I am still doing all the laundry. So needless to say we are wiped out and a little more than exhausted. So if you were wondering where I have been, now you know. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving the moral of the story is- Never go on a road trip without a cooler full of enough delicious raw food to last the entire trip and then some. I wouldn't wish my experience on my worst enemy. I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully well rested and maybe even back to my usually optimistic and happy self. After all, the sun is shining, it is 80 degrees, and we have coconuts and plenty of papayas growing in the jungle formerly known as our back yard garden... Peace y'all and one love.

Indian food escapade...

My pants are definitely getting looser. So I am feeling good about that. I have been running all over the place getting things done before we head back to Florida. I am going to be so happy to have some coconuts and oranges, and sunlight, of course. The Indian food got a hold of me tonight... It didn't taste too good though and I didn't eat too much of it. I definitely don't feel the need to eat any more cooked stuff either after I had the Indian food. So the key will be to get right back to the raw love ASAP.

Today I ingested:
32 oz. green lemonade!
lemon herb tea w/ stevia
small piece dark chocolate
mango/cherry/cashew mylkshake... YUM!!!
rooibos tea with raw honey and fresh raw almond milk
warm miso broth with mushrooms and baby arugula (much tastier than the Indian food that followed it)
normal sized plate of Indian takeout... (didn't taste as good as I expected- Thank Goddess!!!)

Still on the salads...

Today I ate/ingested:
2 cups of chocolate chai tea with raw honey and fresh almond milk
about half of a perfect pineapple
mixed baby herbs and greens with an avocado, mushrooms and sweet mustard dressing
almond butter, cacao, and maca mylkshake
another of the same salad I had earlier
1 Tbsp. of coconut butter

I am very happy that I am still loving the salads and actually enjoyed two of them today. I also was craving a vegetable juice but was too lazy to bother making it. I had a hard day today emotionally but I am starting to feel better now. We are leaving to go home to Florida on Monday morning so I am really busy getting packed up and ready to go. I am very grateful that we will be back in the sunshine before Thanksgiving.

Dehydrator Drama, Butter Lettuce, and Labradorite...

So, I have a confession to make. I don't really like salad... I know, I know, such blasphemy from the mouth of an aspiring raw fooder. But, I just don't usually like it, until tonight that is. I have discovered butter lettuce. It is so delicious. I ate two darling heads of the hydroponic delicacy and loved every bite. What a breakthrough for me. I really, really liked it. I didn't eyeball Felix and Linc's tofu and soba noodle stir fry with even the slightest touch of jealousy. It is practically a miracle. I just ate my butter lettuce with some delicious sweet mustard dressing and drank my vegetable juice, happy as could be. Thank you Universe.

I don't think I like dehydrated food, except red pepper flax crackers. I don't even like the smell of the dehydrator while it is running, and yes it is clean! I couldn't even face the stuff that I made in it yesterday. It just doesn't appeal to me. I have been this way since I got the thing and I know it is just me because everyone else seems to love all the stuff I make in it, even my SAD friends... I also think I have gone off cashews, again. They just don't taste that good anymore. Well, except when you make them into raw cheesecake, which I intend to do tomorrow. I have this whole freezerful of nuts and seeds and I couldn't care less about them. I even went to the health food store today after my meditation with my friend Barbara at her healing arts office and ended up buying dried veggie snacks and dried bananas because the thought of eating the nuts in a Lara bar totally turned me off. I don't even know if the things that I got were "really raw" or not but they were the only non-nut rawish snack in the whole health food store! Get with the program, local health food store! I really would rather buy my stuff from the neighborhood HFS and not drive all the way to Providence, RI to Whole Foods, but when practically all the local place sells is supplements, health and beauty aids, and organic meat, it kind of leaves me no choice!

I got a new bracelet today from my favorite jewelry store. It is labradorite and I love it. I am very particular about my jewelry and I think my taste in it is different from most people. I like more rustic, artsy pieces not fancy kinds of stuff. I always pick out the weird pieces that no one else buys, but then everyone always comments on my jewelry and asks where I got it... Anyhow, I just learned that Labradorite is a power stone, allowing you to see through illusions and determine the actual form of your dreams and goals. It is excellent for strengthening intuitions.

Use labradorite to:

Stimulate imagination
Develop enthusiasm and thus, new ideas
To see more clearly in meditation

And also: Labradorite is an excellent gemstone for those seeking to lose weight as it balances and regulates metabolism.

Well imagine that! Love and blessings to you all and sweet dreams too!

Cooked food- too much is never enough...

So I was doing the "raw til dinner thing" and it was cool for the first few days and then- Whammo!- back to the full blown cooked food binging... Ah well... At least we can live and learn. So I am back to all raw and feeling better. I have decided to "just say no" to the scale and just eat raw. My focus is eat raw for health, spirituality, vitality, and freedom from food addictions. My goal is to see how much healthier I can be at the end of one year. I have also come around to the fact that I absolutely must be prepared with delicious raw food at all times because when I am I don't even miss the cooked stuff. So today I packed the dehydrator with almond bread, onion crackers, marinated veggies for "fajitas" and I also made some raw oatmeal, and cashew sour cream. Tomorrow the dehydrating will continue with tomato-pepper flax crackers, cinnamon rolls, stuffed mushrooms and maybe some kind of tart or cheesecake or something.

Today I ate:
mango and strawberry smoothie
raw cinnamon apple oatmeal (Ani Phyo's recipe- delicious)
bowl of creamy corn chowder
a couple of spoonfuls of coconut butter (not oil)
piece of almond bread with cashew cream and marinated veggies
2 cacao truffles

I also had two cups of chai with cooked almond milk and maple syrup, but I really enjoy them so I'm not going to worry 'bout it... I'm making some fresh almond milk to have with it tomorrow along with some raw honey.

I am really looking forward to moving past the dieting mentality. You know, when you try to eat "perfectly" and as little as possible throughout the day in anticipation of weighing in the next morning and expecting to see some big loss on the scale. And then if it doesn't happen you get all depressed and say "Screw it! I'll just eat whatever I want today and start over tomorrow". Or am I the only one who does this? I am so ready to bag that whole deal... I have such a beautiful picture of myself and my life as a raw fooder in my imagination and the aforementioned dumb dieting behavior just doesn't fit into the new vision I have of myself. Besides the whole dieting drama mentality is so torturous and doesn't work anyway. I'm just gonna love myself the best way I know how from here on out. No more short and long term body goals, no more I will only eat fruit until I lose 20 lbs., and absolutely no more lying to myself out of self loathing and desperation. I (finally) love myself too much to accept that kind of crap from myself any longer. And if I slip up, or stumble, or face challenges and don't prevail, I'll just keep on loving myself and my dutiful, darling, dependable body because that is what feels the best to me now. And I am so glad about that.

Natalia Rose's "Raw Food Detox Diet"

So I have just re-read Natalia Rose's "Raw Food Detox Diet" and I am in love... I highly recommend it to new raw fooders, people who love to cook but want to be raw, and those who have been struggling with staying "all raw". I am experimenting with her gradual approach to detox and am finding that my food "issues" are less present, I feel more centered, and I am losing weight. She is also a big advocate of food combining and I am enjoying learning about it.

Felix and I are both feeling better since the liver cleanse. The biggest difference is that we are both less cranky and we are sleeping better.

I am still loving the cacao. Wow! That stuff is powerful. I make fresh almond milk and blend it with dates, maca, cacao powder, a pinch of salt, some vanilla, and some ice and -holy cow- that is some good stuff. I have been having it for lunch with a salad. For breakfast I have green lemonade and then some fruits through out the rest of the morning. And then in the afternoon I have green lemonade again. And then I have a properly combined dinner. No sweat. Everyone is happy. 'Nuff said...

Liver Cleanse- completed!

Well, I will never say that it was the most enjoyable of processes... The liver cleanse that we did last night comes from here... It is called the Are You Stoned? Liver cleanse and if you check it out from the link above you will notice the large, orange warning box... Well, I ignored the warning and we went for it. This cleanse calls for drinking 2 cups of olive oil and 1 cup of lemon juice. So, needless to say, that was just gross, but the reason that I chose this particular cleanse was because it didn't involve drinking any Epsom salts, which I think would be even grosser. So we juice fasted all day yesterday and after noon the day before. Then last night we started drinking the oil mixture at about 7:30 pm and continued drinking a portion ever 15 minutes until it was all gone. I am very surprised that I didn't vomit and Felix saved all of his vomiting until this morning... When we were done drinking the concoction we went to bed and lie down on our right sides and tried to sleep. It wasn't painful at all, just very unsettling. I was anxious and a little angry, which didn't really surprise me because the liver is associated with feelings of anger. I didn't sleep very well and then we both started to "use the toilet" at about 3 am and continued until about 10 am this morning. Felix got out about 2/3 cup of deep green stones and I just got green sludge... The smell of what came out of us was the grossest part... I'm not proud that such a rank, foul vapor came out of me. I feel okay this morning and Felix went back bed after showering and vomiting... I have very little appetite and we have just had some green juice and some almond milk with the pulp left in. It was quite an experience and I do feel that it was quite effective, pretty yucky but effective. Here is a picture of Felix's gallstones, nasty little things that they are... Bless him, my lovely husband who does all of these weird health related things with me. What a lovely partner I have.

Here are a few inspiring quotes from two of my favorite people:

"I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being."
Abraham Lincoln, 16th U.S. President

"Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages."
Thomas Edison, inventor

Liver cleanse today!

So for the past four days I have been eating cooked food... Uggghhhh... My body is so over cooked food. So here I am, recommitted to raw. And that is that. No matter how many times I go back and forth between cooked and raw, being a raw foodist is what I strive to be and what I know myself to be in my heart. I know I will succeed because I will never quit reaching to achieve this goal.

I had my gallbladder removed in 1997 when I was 21. It was an emergency surgery and I was very lucky to get to the hospital in time as the gallbladder ruptured during the operation. 21 years old is a very early age to have one's gallbladder out but at that time I was already 100 lbs. overweight, had been drinking/partying heavily for at least 3 years, and was eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream per day... Not a recipe for health by any standards. Having to have an important organ removed from my body at such a young age made an impact on me and I began to seriously investigate natural health and take my spirituality more seriously at that time. But, my addictions were strong and I tried and failed many, many times to overcome them. I am happy to report that I no longer drink any alcohol, eat any meat, do any drugs (prescription, over the counter, or recreational included), or smoke any cigarettes. I am basically vegan except for the occasional cheese or egg transgression, and only if I am having a binge. So that took me ten years to accomplish... But I have also left behind a wicked case of rosacea and adult acne, nightly insomnia, debilitating social anxiety, various toxic relationships, and very serious clinical depression/suicidal tendencies, just by changing my daily lifestyle choices. The health/lifestyle goals I still have left to accomplish are to have a daily yoga practice, have a daily meditation practice, be a consistent raw vegan and to detoxify off this 120 lbs. of remaining toxins from my body. What a long strange trip it's been, to say the least.

Yesterday, Felix and I decided that today is the day for the long awaited liver cleanse. I think I could definitely use it... Neither of us has ever done one before, though we have done the Blessed Herbs colon cleanse, a parasite cleanse, and a total body cleanse. So we are juice fasting today in preparation for the cleanse this evening and we ate very lightly yesterday. I'll post about our experiences with the cleanse tomorrow and maybe I'll even have a nice jar full of my very own gallstones to take a picture of and share with you all... How exciting is that?

Moving on...

Today I ingested:
cacao/almond mylkshake
a small blob of almond butter
more cacao/almond mylkshake (big surprise, I know...)
curried veggie soup w/ 2 slices sprouted grain bread and coconut oil
cooked vegan dinner
goat cheese on sprouted grain bread...

I really must go grocery shopping. I burned myself pretty badly on my hand cooking dinner... Maybe I should take the hint and leave the cooked food alone, for the love of God/dess. Once I eat one bite of it I seem to lose all control of myself. When I am eating raw food it isn't like that at all. It truly is amazing. I am doing well regardless of my cooked food trasgressions and have decided to just move on. I will be putting more effort into making raw food rather than cooked food in the future. This will help me.

On the road again?

So I didn't go grocery shopping like I planned but I have been raw all day and I feel good about that.

Today I ate/drank:
mango/banana/kale green smoothie
vitamin c water
very small salad with miso-lime dressing (the dressing was nasty, too bitter)
6 dates 3 Tbsp. almond butter
cacao almond maca mylkshake (this is medicine, I swear)

I have been noticing how superfoods, especially maca and cacao, taste divinely delicious to me lately. I used to only eat them because they made me feel so much better and helped to lift my depression but now I LOVE the flavor of them. I'm starting to think I could live on cacao almond mylkshakes and shots of wheatgrass juice... I won't try it, I promise... But I could, I know it.

I miss Florida. It is getting really cold here in Connecticut and the gray skies are depressing. I miss living in my own house with all of it's feng shui-ness, unique paint colors and most of all I miss the beautiful beach. I could really use some sunshine and blue water swimming. I know that I shouldn't whine considering how blessed I am and how bright my future is. It's just that the construction downstairs is going really, really slowly and poor Felix, tropical man that he is, has snow paranoia and also has about had it with all of us living in my Mom's house, even though she is a living doll. Mom did say we could go back to Florida for the winter and then come back here and finish the project in the spring. I am sort of resistant to that plan because, frankly, I just want the blessed thing done. I am ready to get the center up and running and lets just face it, patience is not usually one of my virtues... We will see what happens. I do love the winter citrus in Florida and one could easily spend a small fortune on produce in CT in the wintertime and still practically starve because the quality is not so great... It's just that all this back and forth wishy-washiness makes me feel like such a d-RAW-ma queen...

Cooked food insanity...

Unfortunately, today I ate:
cacao/almond/maca shake
dehydrated veggies snack
kimchee and raw goat cheese wrapped in cabbage leaves (I don't think I really like raw goat cheese...)
1 tsp. almond butter
and then...
I ate a bunch of cooked vegan food...
but, I didn't eat any birthday cake at my grandmothers birthday party.
Happy Birthday Grandma! We love you with all of our hearts!

Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I will be going grocery shopping. I must make sure that I don't run out of delicious raw foods to eat as when I am hungry I seem to have very little will power...

Mother India...

So I have given up all the tea drinking. It isn't raw and that's that. I also have made peace with the fact that cashews aren't the best thing for me to be eating. Almonds yes. Cashews not so much. I know that raw cacao is questionable on the how-healthy-is-it-really scale, but I really like it and it seems to make me feel quite nice plus it tastes great combined with maca which helps my depressive tendencies immensely. I tend to believe in superfoods. All the ones I have tried have made me feel better and have also caused me to have less of an appetite. So I think that might be due to them providing the massive nutrition that my body needs. Remember that I was raised on some serious crap for food so I suspect that I have some serious nutritional deficiencies going on. I really wanted to eat some more of that baked rice pasta that got a hold of me last night but after I had my cacao smoothie this morning I forgot all about it. I have been all raw, all day and I feel much better. I had some energy/bodywork this evening from my friend Barbara and it was really great. I had some great visuals while she was working on me and we both got the message that it is time for another trip to India... We are going to go on May 1st, 2008, probably for 2 weeks. I am really happy about it and have been yearning for India ever since I was last there in 2000. We are going to be taking a group of people this time so if there is anyone out there who wants to have their mind blown with some serious old school guru love, let me know. Be warned in advance though, you will never be the same again... We are planning to fly into Bangalore and do the Baba ashram thing as well as Pondicherry/Auroville, Sri Ramana Maharishi's ashram and, of course, Goa... I have big love for Calangute and Baga Beach, big, big, serious love. I almost didn't leave last time I was there.

Today I nourished myself with:
about 2.5 quarts of almond/cacao/maca smoothie love!
water with vitamin c packets
salad with kimchee
dehydrated veggie snack
cinnamon lara bar
glass of unsweetened almond milk

Oh, and a really weird thing happened to me this morning. When I got up to pee this morning I weighed myself and saw that I had gained 5 pounds since yesterday. Then I went back to bed and had a really bizarre dream about a huge sale at a crappy discount store near my house and slept for like 2 more hours. When I woke up again I re-weighed myself and had lost the 5 pound gain. Strange.

Tomorrow is another day...

I wasn't hungry yesterday, but I think I made up for it today... Geez.

Today I ingested:
2/3 bottle of Kombucha
a not so great mango
deeeelicious creamy green pepper soup...
juice of 2 heavenly tangerines
4 handfuls of popcorn... I don't know why.
vanilla tea with honey
raw applesauce (delicious, but I made it too sweet...)
maple vanilla tea with honey
broccoli and tomatoes with lemon and olive oil
a few bites of baked rice pasta casserole (slippery slope is right... whoa Nelly!)
banana almond smoothie

I have been coughing like crazy but I don't feel really feel sick . Maybe it is another strange detox symptom to add to my list. I'm sort of downish today though so I'm going to have another cup of tea and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.

Embodiments of Love...

Today I wasn't too hungry so I ate/drank:
water with EmergenC vitamin packet
vanilla tea with honey
small Cacao Cashew smoothie... Yum, Yum, Yum...
2/3 of a lara bar
1/2 of an avocado
2 mugs of warm miso broth
a few sips of ginger Kombucha

I might eat more later but also might not...

Me, Linc, and Felix took a wonderful walk at the Pequotsepos Nature Center, in Mystic CT, today and it made me feel great! I didn't get winded at all and was walking quite fast. I feel like I might just be able to sleep well tonight after such nice, relaxing exercise. By the way, my recent difficulty sleeping isn't due to the raw diet. I have recently quit a habit which I have had for some time that was quite sedating and I think that is what is causing the wakey wakey... I think, all together, I feel the best and most stable I have ever felt in my whole life. My rawness feels "real" now and not just like I am practising. I am comfortable with my ability to make raw food that I appreciate as much as my former cooked food favorites. I have also been able to make a limited amount of simple cooked food for my family and it hasn't really tempted me too badly. I just keep reminding myself that cooked food eating is a very slippery slope for me and that I don't choose to feel depressed and lethargic anymore. This has helped a lot. I'm feeling rather mature in my choices and strangely in control of myself. It finally feels good to be me. My guru, which I have had since before birth (he kind of comes along with being born into my family) calls human beings "embodiments of love". I love this and am beginning to feel this way about all of us, too. Raw food and purity of the physical body is an amazing thing for me to experience, even at the beginning level which I am currently at. I am feeling bright and optimistic about my future and the future of our planet. Love and blessings to all of you, embodiments of love that you are!

A nice day, today...

Today's food intake:
cacao/almond/maca smoothie
vanilla tea with honey
cacao/almond/maca smoothie again...
avocado, carrots, pickle
white tea with honey
lara bar
almond milk

I feel pretty well today and have had lots of energy. This is great considering that I didn't sleep too well last night.

walking thru the doorway...

Today I enjoyed:
echinacea tea with honey
mango-sesame smoothie
an avocado with salt and pepper
frozen grapefruit/orangeade
chocolate/almond/maca smoothie
salad with spicy almond cheeze
vanilla spice tea with honey
redbush tea with honey

My cold/detox is better, almost gone. I feel really good. Like I have finally walked through a doorway that I have been struggling to get through for a little over three years. I am even closing the door behind me. I'm really serious about this whole life thing this time.

Big loves and beautiful blessings to all of you out there!

Doing alright...

Last night I ended up eating some leftover rice pasta and sprouted grain bread...
No big deal... But I am feeling a little like I have a small cold which could be detox or I could have caught a little bit of Lincoln's cold... I'm feeling good otherwise and am happy and not depressed, so that's cool.

today's food:
green lemonade
avocado and 2 apples
chocolate almond date mylkshake!!! Yum Yum...
2 delicious medjool dates w/ sm chai with raw almond mylk
spicy almond cheese and live gardenburger on spinach with tomatoes
2 bites of Linc's vegan mac n cheeze...
mango almond mylk smoothie
4 more dates...

I was very hungry today.

I'm back!

Been all raw for a few days now and am feeling much better... I had been eating mostly cooked food for the past couple weeks and my depression came back full force and with a vengeance (along with 15 pounds...) I have had a really rough time of it and feel like I have been to hell and back. I was so down, so low and then just decided that I'd had enough and went back to raw. By the morning of the second day all traces of the sadness/depression had left me. Every time this happens I am amazed... So here I am and raw I intend to remain. Eating cooked food just isn't worth it.

Today I enjoyed:
iced chai with raw almond milk
vanilla tea with raw honey
mango/date/almond milk smoothie (WOW! this was a lovely thing!)
apple, Asian pear, avocado, pecans, raisins (snacked on these all afternoon)
green soup with walnuts, spinach, red pepper and tomato (another good creation)

I have decided to document my food intake here daily as well as any observations...
Love and blessings to you all!

Off on a lark...

I have been cooking like crazy...
Fall just came upon us quite suddenly and Felix's brother, Brian, was here for 2 weekends helping out with the construction and I made loads of delicious cooked food! Funny thing is, of all the food creations I've made lately, a fruit salad of honeydew, golden kiwi, and huge red globe grapes which I de-seeded lovingly, by hand, was my favorite, by a landslide... I even wanted to make it again later, but had run out of fruit entirely...
I think I am having some identity issues...
I'm craving fruits and green smoothies and cacao drinks and gardenburger in red cabbage leaves. So that is a good thing, no?
I've been reminding myself lately that I am what I eat, and so I should take care to eat beautiful, vibrant, natural, foods.
I'm off to dreamland now. I have a feeling you will hear more from me soon...

Figuring things out...

Today I woke up around 8 am. and got Linc and I ready to go on a nature walk with Auntie Barbara. I ate a bunch of pineapple and was loving how it was so sweet and golden. The walk was beautiful and Linc had tons of fun finding all the purple trail markers. I ate some dried pineapple from the health food store which was labeled "low-sugar" I was into pineapple so I bought it anyway... It was severely sweet and set me off big time... I ended up eating a meatless sub with tons of shredded cabbage on it so it could have been worse. I know I am eating these non-raw/heavy things to keep my feelings/emotions down but I know that they have to come out sooner or later. It seems like the only person I feel really comfortable enough to let my feelings out around is Felix. Poor husband... Sometimes I really let him have it and it has absolutely nothing to do with him. I'm going to have to get myself sorted out with this issue and soon. Now that I realize what is actually going on I can figure out how to manage it all. Still a bit overwhelming though... I know that EFT is very effective for me but brings up a ot of stuff so I need some time alone after a session of "tapping". Needless to say it isn't esy to get time alone around here.

Bright, bright sunshiney day!

Update- all the drama is over and all the cooked food is out of my body. I feel so much better. I feel like there was some big emotional releasing going on due to the EFT I did yesterday. It is an amazing technique and I highly recommend it. I'll be doing more of it as I go along. I am feeling so fine and getting ready to take Lincoln to the laundromat... He loves it and since the laundry room got bombed out in last weeks concrete explosion, we are off to the land of the triple loaders! Here is a picture of Lincoln making raw chocolate sauce last winter. Aww...

You are what you eat...

So this past few days with all of the serious demolition work and the full moon and all I have consumed some let's-just-say not optimal foods, due mainly to stress eating. I found them to be not so comforting. I got a major headache, twice and have been angry and irritable. I ate pizza and did not like it. That was a major breakthrough. I have basically come to the point where cheese, although it sounds good to me, just tastes gross. I love to eat fruit the best now. Especially sweet, juicy Bartlett pears. They have been so delicious this year. I did some EFT this morning and it brought up some major stuff... It was a tumultuous day to say the least. I am all raw today, though, and that always makes things feel better.

Construction update...

Here are some pictures of today's fun with heavy machinery. It was a blast...

What a long, strange week it's been...

This last week has been very, very, active and productive in quite a few ways. As far as the construction on the wellness studio space goes, Felix has been working extremely diligently and with multiple large and extraordinarily loud power tools and soon we will have seven (yes 7!) big gorgeous windows where there were once just huge slabs of concrete! The grand finale will be tomorrow when the backhoe arrives to take the giant chunks of cement out of the walls... Lincoln will be beyond excited to wake up to some serious heavy machinery! I will be very happy when it is quiet again...

I have read Dr. Doug's 80/10/10 book and have been experimenting with his program/techniques. I love how I feel when I am doing the low fat, mono-mealing thing but have still been struggling with the emotional eating aspect of me... I have yet to EFT myself and must make some time for that soon, when it is quiet.

My Mom, who is the the world's best darling, and I were talking tonight and we decided that we, as a family, need a happy rambling van. So whenever any of us want to get away or take a little time out in nature/camp or what have you, we will be all set. Mom is interested in learning to kayak and so it would be great for her to get away for weekends, etc. It will be good for me to have as a get away car when things get too much for me and I am afraid my head will explode... We decided that it should have a really comfortable and roomy bed in the back and Linc just recently discovered a brand new, never used, boat sized Porto-potty abandoned in the old marine store that is in our side yard. The joys of living in a boat yard... So we are doing pretty well with this whole project already and now we will just start the van fund and wait for it to show up!

Love and blessings... XXOO

Birthday cake blues...

So I made it seven whole blissful 100% raw days and was feeling great, high and happy. Then I ate a piece of Felix's cooked birthday cake and that was all she wrote... (this is not the first time that I have been derailed by a birthday cake...)I feel like such an ass. Just when I start making some real progress, I go and blow it. So, I have been struggling to get back to raw and it isn't really working, plus it is the new moon and that is a tough time of the month for me, too. But, I was reading about his new moon in Virgo and it is supposed to be a great time for me to begin healing my health/weight issues. Speaking of that, why do people automatically assume that just because someone is obese they are ill. I am very, very heavy, over 120 lbs. overweight, BUT- I haven't been sick or to the doctor (except for chilbirth and a lyme tick bite) in nearly 10 YEARS!!!! My blood pressure is fine. I don't have diabetes. I have no digestion or gynecological issues. In short if you were to give me a physical and didn't know my weight you would consider me to be extremely healthy. I am just fat. And, by the way, I only lost like one pound during my stellar 100% week. So I ordered Dr. Doug's 80/10/10 book and am going to see what I think of that... I have an intuitive feeling that my liver is not happy digesting all the fat that I have been eating. We shall see.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!

I have big raw love for chia seeds! I made a glorious pudding from chia seeds and almond milk with honey and OH WOW! It was so good... Like a tapioca memory. Awww. By the way, these pictures are NOT of chia pudding! It isn't really all that attractive, unfortunately. Tastes outstanding though! These pictures are of a broccoli mash and miso gravy plate (from Ani Phyo's cookbook) and a pate' platter (from my own mind). They were both delicious.

I have committed to 30 days 100% raw. I am feeling great about it and have decided to continue with my diva diet principles. I am eating gorgeous, luxurious foods and lots of superfoods. I have noticed that when I eat lots of maca, green powder, algae, hemp seeds, etc., it is much easier for me to stay raw. I guess that eating all of the concentrated nutrition is what my body really wants. It doesn't want more calories, just more nutrients. I remember reading something about how most obese people are actually very malnourished and that is why they have such huge appetites. It is because they are literally starving to death so their bodies tell them "eat! eat! you are starving!" I think that I read that in the China Study. Excellent book by the way. I highly recommend it.

I am going to start some more batches of Kombucha going again today as well as some sprouts. I'm also going to work on my website, finally. And later, if I still have more energy, I will make some bread and veggie burgers to put in the dehydrator. And also some flax crackers, especially since Auntie Yvonne had such a love for them.

Oh, Lincoln got his first bee stings today. He got over the whole ordeal really quickly though and I am very proud of him. Bless him, my little prince, with the bee stings on his arm...

Motherload of Mangoes!

So this afternoon Linc and I went to our favorite store, the Raj Cash and Carry Indian Grocery Store. Every Wednesday afternoon they get in cases and cases of wickedly delicious mangoes. They are so sweet I can barely eat them. Felix can sit down and eat 8-10 in one sitting. He eats more fruit than anyone I have ever known. It has been his biggest food group his whole life. Of course, growing up in tropical paradise on "Fantasy Island" kind of lends itself to that sort of thing, now doesn't it? Definitely better than the Lean Cuisines, drive thru dinners, and popcorn with Parmesan cheese that I grew up on...

I got a pound of raw cacao powder in the mail today... And a pound of maca should be here tomorrow. That should be fun...

More tomorrow. It's past me bed time.

Decadent Diva am I!

So for the last few days I have been re-in-love with coconut oil. I had been using it all the time in Florida. It seems really appropriate there... In Connecticut, not so much. Well, lately I have been feeling more fatigued then usual, and because I have this really weird bug bite (what I suspect is a tick bite... I know, I know, I've already been treated for Lyme disease twice...)I decided to start in again with the coconut oil because it is supposed to help your immune system fight off all manner of cooties. So I did and then decided that I would put the oil in my smoothies because I don't love to eat it straight up in a big, yucky, greasy glop. Who can blame me? So, of course, the results are amazing! I'm feeling great and have much more energy AND- my smoothies are DELICIOUS! Man, oh man, I have been creating such decadent, creamy, smooth creations and I am loving it... The coconut oil cuts down on my hunger tremendously, so I have been able to eat a diet of mostly creamy smoothies (aka MYLKSHAKES! I mean who am I trying to fool here?), cake, pate' with salad and, every one's favorite, ice cream, and then more cake. I don't eat much of any of these things, a normal sized portion (big breakthrough...) and I eat about every 4 hours or so. I call it the diva diet! And- I have lost 4 more pounds! I didn't want to look because I was saying to myself (in my head- not out loud) "Why would I even begin to imagine that I would lose weight when all I have been eating is ultra rich princess diva food?" But guess what darlings- I did. Four pounds in four days and I even ate cooked food for dinner a couple times and I have my period! Unheard of folks... Let me just tell ya. I think I am really on to something here. I am feeding myself ultra satisfying, super beautiful, super foods fit for a Queen and thriving... I guess that is just one more piece of evidence that I am, in fact, Queen B! Feed yourself like a queen, turn into a queen. I really does seem to be that simple. Thank God/dess! Here's to all of our raw royalty out there, all you Dukes, Duchesses, Princes, Princesses, Kings and Queens, Empresses, High Priestesses, and various Lords and Ladies... Big raw love to you all!

Sunday, Sunny Sunday!

So I bought "Ani's Raw Food Kitchen" by Ani Phyo and I think it is really great. I am inspired by her fresh, simple recipes and love the blurbs she includes about green living. Also, Ani seems to be mostly interested in making food that tastes divine as opposed to spouting any sort of raw "dogma". If it is raw it seems to be cool with her! I also love how she leaves the fiber in all of her recipes. No more straining nutmilk! I have been making many of the recipes and find them to be very delicious and satisfying. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in raw food, newbie or long-timer.
Things are moving right along on the construction project downstairs. We are having a little bit of a hard time rounding up the required workers for the required payment... Everything is more expensive in CT. In Florida we were amongst Felix's friends who are always there to help each other out. It is definately not that way in CT. Oh well. Life is beautiful, regardless. Still Connecticut is so very uptight and oh, so, New England... I feel the tropics calling... I hear the drumbeats... I smell the flowers and coconuts... We will just have to see what happens now won't we! Gotta love the raw liberation!
Peace, love and all blessings!

What?

I really do try, in this blog at least, not to dwell on my ridiculous behavior regarding food. Today, I will digress... I mean, seriously, I ate Carvel Ice Cream Cake! It was a three year old friends birthday party (Happy Birthday Beauty Queen!) and I just had to have a piece of cake... Now I know that any "normal" person who happened to be reading this blog would be like "Whatever lady, just get over it! It's just a piece of cake! You were at a birthday party for heavens sake!" Yeah, yeah, I know! But, you see, I DON'T WANT CARVEL ICE CREAM CAKE IN MY LIFE ANYMORE WHAT-SO-EVER! Why does disgusting, chemical laden, loaded with refined sugar, skanky non-food even appeal to me? Am I punishing myself? Am I rewarding myself by poisoning myself? Is my body suicidal? I have such a strong desire to be a total raw vegan, that means NO COOKED FOOD, never mind nasty crap non-food. I really am devoted to my health and spirituality and also to the health of the planet, so why is this so difficult? Ever day when I wake up I intend to be all raw, all healthy, all day but by 4 pm (or even before if I have had a stressful day) I am into the cooked food and feeling like a loser again! By 10pm I am plotting my raw-strategy for the next day! It is total obsessive weirdness... And so here I am, sitting at the computer, pouring my heart out to you with a belly full of heavy, not-digesting food that I made for the rest of the family for dinner but managed to eat a hearty portion of my own damn self! I often fantasize about how my days would go if I had my dream life, imagining myself doing yoga in the early morning sunshine, juicing and preparing divine living foods and enjoying them, beautifully presented, sitting at the table eating with a knife and fork like a human, giving myself mud baths in the summer sunshine, meditating, teaching Lincoln to chant (which he is actually really good at naturally, it seems) teaching and serving others on their own paths to wellness... Truthfully, the only thing stopping me from doing any of this is myself and it has got to stop! I really have no other obstacles to my dream life other than my own self. I feel so ungrateful for not making the most of my abundant blessings in life. I think it is time to get out the EFT technique again. I toyed with it this past winter and was having remarkable results and I think that it just freaked me out and I stopped doing it, not knowing how to handle my new found peace and calmness. It was unnerving, severely. Sometimes I think that it is just because I have been seriously overweight for my whole life, or at least since my parents got divorced when I was seven, and I just don't know what to expect out of life in a slim body. It is like I am hiding from myself or something.

Smooth, green morning...

The wind is blowing like crazy here! The hawks, turkey vultures, and what I believe is a *!!!bald eagle!!!*, are soaring over the river on the big gusts of breeze. They are having such a blast! Maybe I'll fly in my dreams tonight...
I have been staying with the liquids, juice, green smoothies, and blended salads. I finally feel like I actually might be digesting and absorbing some nutrition. What a concept! I'm feeling much better and am getting ready to go to the farmers market, health food store where my darling friend is currently working, and then to the Indian grocery store. What fun! Linc and I are looking forward to this hunting and gathering of the groceries expedition. Wish me happy mango hunting!
Love, blessings, and massive prosperity for all!

Juicy...

So I am heeding the call of the juicer... I have been loving it! Seems like nothing makes me feel better than nice fresh juice. So I am going to stick with it for a while and see how I feel. I am listening to my body and keeping my own council... Things have been hectic around here with all of the construction, gardening, child rearing, etc... We are progressing pretty quickly and I am loving seeing my dream take shape.
Love and blessings to you all!

I had to take a nap...

So long story short, last night I ate lasagna, which contained white flour noodles and dairy cheese. And then I drank coffee, with white sugar and half and half. I didn't even really like it, any of it. I mean it was good, but whatever. So I am taking that as a good sign that my tastes are changing along with the fact that this morning I felt so sick that I immediately put myself on green smoothies with only one kind of fruit and one kind of green. All day, along with some ginger tea and a nap and by 6 pm I was feeling more normal. So then my friends came over and I cooked dinner, not cheesy and noodley but still vegan cooked, and I ate it! Just ate it without any second thoughts at all. I consumed such beautiful pure food all day to make up for last nights transgressions and then go and do it again tonight! I can't believe that I used to eat like this, heavy cheesy food, all the time! It literally makes me sick now. Especially the dairy! At least my reaction to this non-raw food is showing me that I am, in fact, detoxifying and my body is getting healthier with my high raw vegan diet, even if the weight is slow to come off. I am healing. I can feel it.
Also- I made and enjoyed a really delicious blended salad this evening. I think I finally have them figured out now... I just make them like I was making a salad, dressing ingredients and all, and then just blend it in the Vita-mix and delicioso! I am definitely going to be including more of these into my diet. What a lovely way to enjoy my greens.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day involving more self discipline... Man, if I only had a dollar for every time I have said that!

All balled up...

Man, sometimes I am so uptight and anxious I freak my ownself right out... Right now, for instance, my beautiful, darling, charming, gorgeous, hilarious husband is trying, with all of his might, to get me to pay attention to him. But no, I am utterly compelled to finish this blog entry because, after all, it is what I set out to do. It doesn't seem to matter to me what I actually want, it is always about what I feel that I should do... I guess it could be that I am such a total Yankee. A swamp Yankee. A product of generations of Puritans, Shakers, and Quakers. Daughter of practical New England. Land of Lacoste and "good taste". But then sometimes, I just totally let loose and feel like I must have been adopted from the last, secret, tribe of untamed Amazon Warrioresses. Maniac style. I have quieted down some lately in the past few years since having Linc, but back in the day I could really have some outstanding adventures. I never even knew what I was going to do next. I guess that lately I have been more plagued by the "what-should-I-do's" but I blame that totally on parenthood. Which is cool with me, to be expected. I guess that my whole deal is actually that I am an extremest. No wishy washy moderation for me. I don't seem able to line that one up at all... I actually just wish that life could be one long outrageous summer vacation that never ended. Where anything was always possible. Living in a land with no limitations... But after all, that isn't really reality... Or is it? We should be practical... Or shouldn't we? Back and forth... Back and forth... You see now, how it happens, this? Get ready, I think this next one is going to be a real duzy...

It's recommitment time again already!

OK, so I've been slipping up. My low-fat raw with mono-meals all day deal has hit the skids... Bummer, I know. Serious bummer, actually, because during the three days that I actually did follow my own dietary rules I lost a whopping 7 lbs.! Of course, I have since put three back on but at least I have finally learned how to rapidly lose weight on raw food. So, I'm recommitting to my raw wonder plan again, and again, and again, if I have to. I am so totally doing this! Last week I was flying on a raw high and felt so good I think I freaked myself out... Plus, for some weird reason, I always start to flip out and sabotage my own progress when I start to lose noticeable amounts of weight. I think that in the 1.5 years since I have learned about raw food I have lost and regained the same 20 lbs. at least 10 TIMES!!! That means if I had just stuck with what I was doing I could have lost like 200lbs. by now! And since I only need to lose 120 lbs. or so, that would mean I lost 80 lbs. more than my original goal! Madness, pure madness! Does anyone else out there suffer from this same form of raw retardation? Or am I as alone as I feel? Well, at least I have maintained my original 30 lbs. of raw weight loss... And of course, I'm not suicidally depressed anymore... So that's not too shabby after all...

Loving the fruit!

I went to the grocery store this morning and it was a produce wonderland! I wandered in and out of the isles, a few of this a few of that. It was lovely. My best booty was six gorgeous and super luscious purple figs and eight honey sweet golden kiwis. I took some pictures of the charming little fruit plate I made for Felix. So there you are- another beautiful day...

So far, so good...

So I have been all raw and reasonably low-fat all day yesterday and today. I have been eating fruit mono-meals during the day and then having a salad and maybe something sweet later on. I have been eating no later than 9 pm which still needs some work but whatever. I feel really good and think that the easily digested fruit meals in the day have been helping me to have more energy, oh yeah, and the marathon 12 hour sleep last night probably helped, too. The peaches are sweet and the blueberries fat. All is well and I am feeling just fine. Love and blessings to everyone out there! Sweet dreams.

OK so far...

OK, so yesterday was the first day of my new eating plan. It went pretty well. I did really well with the mono fruit meals during the day. I wasn't hungry and I felt satisfied and energetic. I wasn't obsessing about food at all. Then in the evening Felix asked me to make some Pilau' (a Caribbean rice and lentil dish that he taught me how to make and now I make it wayyyy better than him!) so I said fine and everything was cool. I cooked the rice, vegan by the way, and we went along to meet our friends at the beach with the steaming pot of Pilau' in tow. It was about 5 pm and I realized, only after we had gotten to the beach, that I didn't bring a salad for myself... I did bring a bunch of watermelon to share so I just ate some of that. Then I went for a longish swim in the FREEZING cold water and when I got out I was HUNGRY!!!! The watermelon was all gone so I caved in and ate some rice, and then some veggie chips, and finally some toast and tea later on when we got home. I am still OK with all that though because I know it all happened as a result of poor planning and not because of anything else. I already knew before all of this that once I start eating cooked food it immediately becomes a problem for me to stop. So that was not a big surprise and I was impressed with myself because I didn't eat much of any of the cooked items. No volume eating yesterday at all. So at least I am making some progress. I am already back on the watermelon this morning and loving it. Oh, and I forgot to tell you all yesterday that I am also incorporating some green powder in my drinking water as well. So here I am at 10 am on Sunday morning feeling fine and eating fruit and drinking green water. The world is good and I am feeling fine. Love to you all and Happy Sunday!