Motherload of Mangoes!

So this afternoon Linc and I went to our favorite store, the Raj Cash and Carry Indian Grocery Store. Every Wednesday afternoon they get in cases and cases of wickedly delicious mangoes. They are so sweet I can barely eat them. Felix can sit down and eat 8-10 in one sitting. He eats more fruit than anyone I have ever known. It has been his biggest food group his whole life. Of course, growing up in tropical paradise on "Fantasy Island" kind of lends itself to that sort of thing, now doesn't it? Definitely better than the Lean Cuisines, drive thru dinners, and popcorn with Parmesan cheese that I grew up on...

I got a pound of raw cacao powder in the mail today... And a pound of maca should be here tomorrow. That should be fun...

More tomorrow. It's past me bed time.

Decadent Diva am I!

So for the last few days I have been re-in-love with coconut oil. I had been using it all the time in Florida. It seems really appropriate there... In Connecticut, not so much. Well, lately I have been feeling more fatigued then usual, and because I have this really weird bug bite (what I suspect is a tick bite... I know, I know, I've already been treated for Lyme disease twice...)I decided to start in again with the coconut oil because it is supposed to help your immune system fight off all manner of cooties. So I did and then decided that I would put the oil in my smoothies because I don't love to eat it straight up in a big, yucky, greasy glop. Who can blame me? So, of course, the results are amazing! I'm feeling great and have much more energy AND- my smoothies are DELICIOUS! Man, oh man, I have been creating such decadent, creamy, smooth creations and I am loving it... The coconut oil cuts down on my hunger tremendously, so I have been able to eat a diet of mostly creamy smoothies (aka MYLKSHAKES! I mean who am I trying to fool here?), cake, pate' with salad and, every one's favorite, ice cream, and then more cake. I don't eat much of any of these things, a normal sized portion (big breakthrough...) and I eat about every 4 hours or so. I call it the diva diet! And- I have lost 4 more pounds! I didn't want to look because I was saying to myself (in my head- not out loud) "Why would I even begin to imagine that I would lose weight when all I have been eating is ultra rich princess diva food?" But guess what darlings- I did. Four pounds in four days and I even ate cooked food for dinner a couple times and I have my period! Unheard of folks... Let me just tell ya. I think I am really on to something here. I am feeding myself ultra satisfying, super beautiful, super foods fit for a Queen and thriving... I guess that is just one more piece of evidence that I am, in fact, Queen B! Feed yourself like a queen, turn into a queen. I really does seem to be that simple. Thank God/dess! Here's to all of our raw royalty out there, all you Dukes, Duchesses, Princes, Princesses, Kings and Queens, Empresses, High Priestesses, and various Lords and Ladies... Big raw love to you all!

Sunday, Sunny Sunday!

So I bought "Ani's Raw Food Kitchen" by Ani Phyo and I think it is really great. I am inspired by her fresh, simple recipes and love the blurbs she includes about green living. Also, Ani seems to be mostly interested in making food that tastes divine as opposed to spouting any sort of raw "dogma". If it is raw it seems to be cool with her! I also love how she leaves the fiber in all of her recipes. No more straining nutmilk! I have been making many of the recipes and find them to be very delicious and satisfying. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in raw food, newbie or long-timer.
Things are moving right along on the construction project downstairs. We are having a little bit of a hard time rounding up the required workers for the required payment... Everything is more expensive in CT. In Florida we were amongst Felix's friends who are always there to help each other out. It is definately not that way in CT. Oh well. Life is beautiful, regardless. Still Connecticut is so very uptight and oh, so, New England... I feel the tropics calling... I hear the drumbeats... I smell the flowers and coconuts... We will just have to see what happens now won't we! Gotta love the raw liberation!
Peace, love and all blessings!

What?

I really do try, in this blog at least, not to dwell on my ridiculous behavior regarding food. Today, I will digress... I mean, seriously, I ate Carvel Ice Cream Cake! It was a three year old friends birthday party (Happy Birthday Beauty Queen!) and I just had to have a piece of cake... Now I know that any "normal" person who happened to be reading this blog would be like "Whatever lady, just get over it! It's just a piece of cake! You were at a birthday party for heavens sake!" Yeah, yeah, I know! But, you see, I DON'T WANT CARVEL ICE CREAM CAKE IN MY LIFE ANYMORE WHAT-SO-EVER! Why does disgusting, chemical laden, loaded with refined sugar, skanky non-food even appeal to me? Am I punishing myself? Am I rewarding myself by poisoning myself? Is my body suicidal? I have such a strong desire to be a total raw vegan, that means NO COOKED FOOD, never mind nasty crap non-food. I really am devoted to my health and spirituality and also to the health of the planet, so why is this so difficult? Ever day when I wake up I intend to be all raw, all healthy, all day but by 4 pm (or even before if I have had a stressful day) I am into the cooked food and feeling like a loser again! By 10pm I am plotting my raw-strategy for the next day! It is total obsessive weirdness... And so here I am, sitting at the computer, pouring my heart out to you with a belly full of heavy, not-digesting food that I made for the rest of the family for dinner but managed to eat a hearty portion of my own damn self! I often fantasize about how my days would go if I had my dream life, imagining myself doing yoga in the early morning sunshine, juicing and preparing divine living foods and enjoying them, beautifully presented, sitting at the table eating with a knife and fork like a human, giving myself mud baths in the summer sunshine, meditating, teaching Lincoln to chant (which he is actually really good at naturally, it seems) teaching and serving others on their own paths to wellness... Truthfully, the only thing stopping me from doing any of this is myself and it has got to stop! I really have no other obstacles to my dream life other than my own self. I feel so ungrateful for not making the most of my abundant blessings in life. I think it is time to get out the EFT technique again. I toyed with it this past winter and was having remarkable results and I think that it just freaked me out and I stopped doing it, not knowing how to handle my new found peace and calmness. It was unnerving, severely. Sometimes I think that it is just because I have been seriously overweight for my whole life, or at least since my parents got divorced when I was seven, and I just don't know what to expect out of life in a slim body. It is like I am hiding from myself or something.

Smooth, green morning...

The wind is blowing like crazy here! The hawks, turkey vultures, and what I believe is a *!!!bald eagle!!!*, are soaring over the river on the big gusts of breeze. They are having such a blast! Maybe I'll fly in my dreams tonight...
I have been staying with the liquids, juice, green smoothies, and blended salads. I finally feel like I actually might be digesting and absorbing some nutrition. What a concept! I'm feeling much better and am getting ready to go to the farmers market, health food store where my darling friend is currently working, and then to the Indian grocery store. What fun! Linc and I are looking forward to this hunting and gathering of the groceries expedition. Wish me happy mango hunting!
Love, blessings, and massive prosperity for all!

Juicy...

So I am heeding the call of the juicer... I have been loving it! Seems like nothing makes me feel better than nice fresh juice. So I am going to stick with it for a while and see how I feel. I am listening to my body and keeping my own council... Things have been hectic around here with all of the construction, gardening, child rearing, etc... We are progressing pretty quickly and I am loving seeing my dream take shape.
Love and blessings to you all!

I had to take a nap...

So long story short, last night I ate lasagna, which contained white flour noodles and dairy cheese. And then I drank coffee, with white sugar and half and half. I didn't even really like it, any of it. I mean it was good, but whatever. So I am taking that as a good sign that my tastes are changing along with the fact that this morning I felt so sick that I immediately put myself on green smoothies with only one kind of fruit and one kind of green. All day, along with some ginger tea and a nap and by 6 pm I was feeling more normal. So then my friends came over and I cooked dinner, not cheesy and noodley but still vegan cooked, and I ate it! Just ate it without any second thoughts at all. I consumed such beautiful pure food all day to make up for last nights transgressions and then go and do it again tonight! I can't believe that I used to eat like this, heavy cheesy food, all the time! It literally makes me sick now. Especially the dairy! At least my reaction to this non-raw food is showing me that I am, in fact, detoxifying and my body is getting healthier with my high raw vegan diet, even if the weight is slow to come off. I am healing. I can feel it.
Also- I made and enjoyed a really delicious blended salad this evening. I think I finally have them figured out now... I just make them like I was making a salad, dressing ingredients and all, and then just blend it in the Vita-mix and delicioso! I am definitely going to be including more of these into my diet. What a lovely way to enjoy my greens.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day involving more self discipline... Man, if I only had a dollar for every time I have said that!

All balled up...

Man, sometimes I am so uptight and anxious I freak my ownself right out... Right now, for instance, my beautiful, darling, charming, gorgeous, hilarious husband is trying, with all of his might, to get me to pay attention to him. But no, I am utterly compelled to finish this blog entry because, after all, it is what I set out to do. It doesn't seem to matter to me what I actually want, it is always about what I feel that I should do... I guess it could be that I am such a total Yankee. A swamp Yankee. A product of generations of Puritans, Shakers, and Quakers. Daughter of practical New England. Land of Lacoste and "good taste". But then sometimes, I just totally let loose and feel like I must have been adopted from the last, secret, tribe of untamed Amazon Warrioresses. Maniac style. I have quieted down some lately in the past few years since having Linc, but back in the day I could really have some outstanding adventures. I never even knew what I was going to do next. I guess that lately I have been more plagued by the "what-should-I-do's" but I blame that totally on parenthood. Which is cool with me, to be expected. I guess that my whole deal is actually that I am an extremest. No wishy washy moderation for me. I don't seem able to line that one up at all... I actually just wish that life could be one long outrageous summer vacation that never ended. Where anything was always possible. Living in a land with no limitations... But after all, that isn't really reality... Or is it? We should be practical... Or shouldn't we? Back and forth... Back and forth... You see now, how it happens, this? Get ready, I think this next one is going to be a real duzy...

It's recommitment time again already!

OK, so I've been slipping up. My low-fat raw with mono-meals all day deal has hit the skids... Bummer, I know. Serious bummer, actually, because during the three days that I actually did follow my own dietary rules I lost a whopping 7 lbs.! Of course, I have since put three back on but at least I have finally learned how to rapidly lose weight on raw food. So, I'm recommitting to my raw wonder plan again, and again, and again, if I have to. I am so totally doing this! Last week I was flying on a raw high and felt so good I think I freaked myself out... Plus, for some weird reason, I always start to flip out and sabotage my own progress when I start to lose noticeable amounts of weight. I think that in the 1.5 years since I have learned about raw food I have lost and regained the same 20 lbs. at least 10 TIMES!!! That means if I had just stuck with what I was doing I could have lost like 200lbs. by now! And since I only need to lose 120 lbs. or so, that would mean I lost 80 lbs. more than my original goal! Madness, pure madness! Does anyone else out there suffer from this same form of raw retardation? Or am I as alone as I feel? Well, at least I have maintained my original 30 lbs. of raw weight loss... And of course, I'm not suicidally depressed anymore... So that's not too shabby after all...

Loving the fruit!

I went to the grocery store this morning and it was a produce wonderland! I wandered in and out of the isles, a few of this a few of that. It was lovely. My best booty was six gorgeous and super luscious purple figs and eight honey sweet golden kiwis. I took some pictures of the charming little fruit plate I made for Felix. So there you are- another beautiful day...

So far, so good...

So I have been all raw and reasonably low-fat all day yesterday and today. I have been eating fruit mono-meals during the day and then having a salad and maybe something sweet later on. I have been eating no later than 9 pm which still needs some work but whatever. I feel really good and think that the easily digested fruit meals in the day have been helping me to have more energy, oh yeah, and the marathon 12 hour sleep last night probably helped, too. The peaches are sweet and the blueberries fat. All is well and I am feeling just fine. Love and blessings to everyone out there! Sweet dreams.

OK so far...

OK, so yesterday was the first day of my new eating plan. It went pretty well. I did really well with the mono fruit meals during the day. I wasn't hungry and I felt satisfied and energetic. I wasn't obsessing about food at all. Then in the evening Felix asked me to make some Pilau' (a Caribbean rice and lentil dish that he taught me how to make and now I make it wayyyy better than him!) so I said fine and everything was cool. I cooked the rice, vegan by the way, and we went along to meet our friends at the beach with the steaming pot of Pilau' in tow. It was about 5 pm and I realized, only after we had gotten to the beach, that I didn't bring a salad for myself... I did bring a bunch of watermelon to share so I just ate some of that. Then I went for a longish swim in the FREEZING cold water and when I got out I was HUNGRY!!!! The watermelon was all gone so I caved in and ate some rice, and then some veggie chips, and finally some toast and tea later on when we got home. I am still OK with all that though because I know it all happened as a result of poor planning and not because of anything else. I already knew before all of this that once I start eating cooked food it immediately becomes a problem for me to stop. So that was not a big surprise and I was impressed with myself because I didn't eat much of any of the cooked items. No volume eating yesterday at all. So at least I am making some progress. I am already back on the watermelon this morning and loving it. Oh, and I forgot to tell you all yesterday that I am also incorporating some green powder in my drinking water as well. So here I am at 10 am on Sunday morning feeling fine and eating fruit and drinking green water. The world is good and I am feeling fine. Love to you all and Happy Sunday!

OK and now back to the raw food portion of our programming...

So it is Saturday morning and I just woke up from a marathon 12 hour sleep. I guess I was tired... When I went to bed last night I was so depressed I didn't even know what to do with myself. I spent much of last evening on the couch watching makeover and modelling "reality" shows and that definitely didn't help. Especially because I noticed that all the "gorgeous" young women on the modelling show also seemed to be completely depressed. I mean, more depressed than me. I know it probably didn't help that these gorgeous, young, size 2 ladies were constantly being told to lose weight by their "agents" who it seems are some of the rudest, most superficial, people ever to walk the face of the earth. I'm glad that I am not really "into" fashion but I was kind of pissed to see that these "perfect" women did not seem to be enjoying themselves or happy in any way. You see, I have always had this little fantasy that once I reach "my goal weight" I will suddenly become this happy, peaceful woman who is suddenly unaffected by anything upsetting and waaaaayyyyy less sensitive to the every day dramas than I currently am. I know, ridiculous. But seeing just how ridiculous I was being certainly added a little more juice to my depression stew. So I just went to bed. I mean what else can a girl do. But now it is the glorious warm sunshiny morning and I am feeling much better. I finally had a really good nights sleep and I am ready for action again. I have come to realize that I all really need to do is care for myself and love myself. I am so great-full for this astounding life that I have been blessed with. So I have decided that I really need to take my rawness seriously and make it into a more nutrition based approach to fueling my body. Plus, I could really use some digestional healing. Granted, it isn't nearly as fun as sexual healing, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, right? So it's mono fruit meals for me in the daytime and a nice salad with a nut/see/avo based dressing for my evening meal which should be eaten no later than 8 pm. I think that this approach to eating is kind and loving to my body and will also help me to achieve my weight loss goals. Besides, I just simply have to much to do to be spending all my time fooling around in the kitchen making raw cakes day in and day out... And after all, peaches and watermelon are in season, so there is really nothing for me to bitch about, now is there? Love to you all and thanks for caring. XXOO.

Bye Bye Bailey...

So we are having a really sad time around here. Our 17 year old doggy, Bailey, passed away. She was a really great dog and NEVER did anything wrong. We will all miss her very much and I personally am really hoping that there is indeed a doggy heaven. Please send us all some love and light as we are all very bummed out and could really use it. Love to you all and sorry to be so depressing.