Moving on...

Today I ingested:
cacao/almond mylkshake
a small blob of almond butter
more cacao/almond mylkshake (big surprise, I know...)
curried veggie soup w/ 2 slices sprouted grain bread and coconut oil
cooked vegan dinner
goat cheese on sprouted grain bread...

I really must go grocery shopping. I burned myself pretty badly on my hand cooking dinner... Maybe I should take the hint and leave the cooked food alone, for the love of God/dess. Once I eat one bite of it I seem to lose all control of myself. When I am eating raw food it isn't like that at all. It truly is amazing. I am doing well regardless of my cooked food trasgressions and have decided to just move on. I will be putting more effort into making raw food rather than cooked food in the future. This will help me.

On the road again?

So I didn't go grocery shopping like I planned but I have been raw all day and I feel good about that.

Today I ate/drank:
mango/banana/kale green smoothie
vitamin c water
very small salad with miso-lime dressing (the dressing was nasty, too bitter)
6 dates 3 Tbsp. almond butter
cacao almond maca mylkshake (this is medicine, I swear)

I have been noticing how superfoods, especially maca and cacao, taste divinely delicious to me lately. I used to only eat them because they made me feel so much better and helped to lift my depression but now I LOVE the flavor of them. I'm starting to think I could live on cacao almond mylkshakes and shots of wheatgrass juice... I won't try it, I promise... But I could, I know it.

I miss Florida. It is getting really cold here in Connecticut and the gray skies are depressing. I miss living in my own house with all of it's feng shui-ness, unique paint colors and most of all I miss the beautiful beach. I could really use some sunshine and blue water swimming. I know that I shouldn't whine considering how blessed I am and how bright my future is. It's just that the construction downstairs is going really, really slowly and poor Felix, tropical man that he is, has snow paranoia and also has about had it with all of us living in my Mom's house, even though she is a living doll. Mom did say we could go back to Florida for the winter and then come back here and finish the project in the spring. I am sort of resistant to that plan because, frankly, I just want the blessed thing done. I am ready to get the center up and running and lets just face it, patience is not usually one of my virtues... We will see what happens. I do love the winter citrus in Florida and one could easily spend a small fortune on produce in CT in the wintertime and still practically starve because the quality is not so great... It's just that all this back and forth wishy-washiness makes me feel like such a d-RAW-ma queen...

Cooked food insanity...

Unfortunately, today I ate:
cacao/almond/maca shake
dehydrated veggies snack
kimchee and raw goat cheese wrapped in cabbage leaves (I don't think I really like raw goat cheese...)
1 tsp. almond butter
and then...
I ate a bunch of cooked vegan food...
but, I didn't eat any birthday cake at my grandmothers birthday party.
Happy Birthday Grandma! We love you with all of our hearts!

Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I will be going grocery shopping. I must make sure that I don't run out of delicious raw foods to eat as when I am hungry I seem to have very little will power...

Mother India...

So I have given up all the tea drinking. It isn't raw and that's that. I also have made peace with the fact that cashews aren't the best thing for me to be eating. Almonds yes. Cashews not so much. I know that raw cacao is questionable on the how-healthy-is-it-really scale, but I really like it and it seems to make me feel quite nice plus it tastes great combined with maca which helps my depressive tendencies immensely. I tend to believe in superfoods. All the ones I have tried have made me feel better and have also caused me to have less of an appetite. So I think that might be due to them providing the massive nutrition that my body needs. Remember that I was raised on some serious crap for food so I suspect that I have some serious nutritional deficiencies going on. I really wanted to eat some more of that baked rice pasta that got a hold of me last night but after I had my cacao smoothie this morning I forgot all about it. I have been all raw, all day and I feel much better. I had some energy/bodywork this evening from my friend Barbara and it was really great. I had some great visuals while she was working on me and we both got the message that it is time for another trip to India... We are going to go on May 1st, 2008, probably for 2 weeks. I am really happy about it and have been yearning for India ever since I was last there in 2000. We are going to be taking a group of people this time so if there is anyone out there who wants to have their mind blown with some serious old school guru love, let me know. Be warned in advance though, you will never be the same again... We are planning to fly into Bangalore and do the Baba ashram thing as well as Pondicherry/Auroville, Sri Ramana Maharishi's ashram and, of course, Goa... I have big love for Calangute and Baga Beach, big, big, serious love. I almost didn't leave last time I was there.

Today I nourished myself with:
about 2.5 quarts of almond/cacao/maca smoothie love!
water with vitamin c packets
salad with kimchee
dehydrated veggie snack
cinnamon lara bar
glass of unsweetened almond milk

Oh, and a really weird thing happened to me this morning. When I got up to pee this morning I weighed myself and saw that I had gained 5 pounds since yesterday. Then I went back to bed and had a really bizarre dream about a huge sale at a crappy discount store near my house and slept for like 2 more hours. When I woke up again I re-weighed myself and had lost the 5 pound gain. Strange.

Tomorrow is another day...

I wasn't hungry yesterday, but I think I made up for it today... Geez.

Today I ingested:
2/3 bottle of Kombucha
a not so great mango
deeeelicious creamy green pepper soup...
juice of 2 heavenly tangerines
4 handfuls of popcorn... I don't know why.
vanilla tea with honey
raw applesauce (delicious, but I made it too sweet...)
maple vanilla tea with honey
broccoli and tomatoes with lemon and olive oil
a few bites of baked rice pasta casserole (slippery slope is right... whoa Nelly!)
banana almond smoothie

I have been coughing like crazy but I don't feel really feel sick . Maybe it is another strange detox symptom to add to my list. I'm sort of downish today though so I'm going to have another cup of tea and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.

Embodiments of Love...

Today I wasn't too hungry so I ate/drank:
water with EmergenC vitamin packet
vanilla tea with honey
small Cacao Cashew smoothie... Yum, Yum, Yum...
2/3 of a lara bar
1/2 of an avocado
2 mugs of warm miso broth
a few sips of ginger Kombucha

I might eat more later but also might not...

Me, Linc, and Felix took a wonderful walk at the Pequotsepos Nature Center, in Mystic CT, today and it made me feel great! I didn't get winded at all and was walking quite fast. I feel like I might just be able to sleep well tonight after such nice, relaxing exercise. By the way, my recent difficulty sleeping isn't due to the raw diet. I have recently quit a habit which I have had for some time that was quite sedating and I think that is what is causing the wakey wakey... I think, all together, I feel the best and most stable I have ever felt in my whole life. My rawness feels "real" now and not just like I am practising. I am comfortable with my ability to make raw food that I appreciate as much as my former cooked food favorites. I have also been able to make a limited amount of simple cooked food for my family and it hasn't really tempted me too badly. I just keep reminding myself that cooked food eating is a very slippery slope for me and that I don't choose to feel depressed and lethargic anymore. This has helped a lot. I'm feeling rather mature in my choices and strangely in control of myself. It finally feels good to be me. My guru, which I have had since before birth (he kind of comes along with being born into my family) calls human beings "embodiments of love". I love this and am beginning to feel this way about all of us, too. Raw food and purity of the physical body is an amazing thing for me to experience, even at the beginning level which I am currently at. I am feeling bright and optimistic about my future and the future of our planet. Love and blessings to all of you, embodiments of love that you are!

A nice day, today...

Today's food intake:
cacao/almond/maca smoothie
vanilla tea with honey
cacao/almond/maca smoothie again...
avocado, carrots, pickle
white tea with honey
lara bar
almond milk

I feel pretty well today and have had lots of energy. This is great considering that I didn't sleep too well last night.

walking thru the doorway...

Today I enjoyed:
echinacea tea with honey
mango-sesame smoothie
an avocado with salt and pepper
frozen grapefruit/orangeade
chocolate/almond/maca smoothie
salad with spicy almond cheeze
vanilla spice tea with honey
redbush tea with honey

My cold/detox is better, almost gone. I feel really good. Like I have finally walked through a doorway that I have been struggling to get through for a little over three years. I am even closing the door behind me. I'm really serious about this whole life thing this time.

Big loves and beautiful blessings to all of you out there!

Doing alright...

Last night I ended up eating some leftover rice pasta and sprouted grain bread...
No big deal... But I am feeling a little like I have a small cold which could be detox or I could have caught a little bit of Lincoln's cold... I'm feeling good otherwise and am happy and not depressed, so that's cool.

today's food:
green lemonade
avocado and 2 apples
chocolate almond date mylkshake!!! Yum Yum...
2 delicious medjool dates w/ sm chai with raw almond mylk
spicy almond cheese and live gardenburger on spinach with tomatoes
2 bites of Linc's vegan mac n cheeze...
mango almond mylk smoothie
4 more dates...

I was very hungry today.

I'm back!

Been all raw for a few days now and am feeling much better... I had been eating mostly cooked food for the past couple weeks and my depression came back full force and with a vengeance (along with 15 pounds...) I have had a really rough time of it and feel like I have been to hell and back. I was so down, so low and then just decided that I'd had enough and went back to raw. By the morning of the second day all traces of the sadness/depression had left me. Every time this happens I am amazed... So here I am and raw I intend to remain. Eating cooked food just isn't worth it.

Today I enjoyed:
iced chai with raw almond milk
vanilla tea with raw honey
mango/date/almond milk smoothie (WOW! this was a lovely thing!)
apple, Asian pear, avocado, pecans, raisins (snacked on these all afternoon)
green soup with walnuts, spinach, red pepper and tomato (another good creation)

I have decided to document my food intake here daily as well as any observations...
Love and blessings to you all!

Off on a lark...

I have been cooking like crazy...
Fall just came upon us quite suddenly and Felix's brother, Brian, was here for 2 weekends helping out with the construction and I made loads of delicious cooked food! Funny thing is, of all the food creations I've made lately, a fruit salad of honeydew, golden kiwi, and huge red globe grapes which I de-seeded lovingly, by hand, was my favorite, by a landslide... I even wanted to make it again later, but had run out of fruit entirely...
I think I am having some identity issues...
I'm craving fruits and green smoothies and cacao drinks and gardenburger in red cabbage leaves. So that is a good thing, no?
I've been reminding myself lately that I am what I eat, and so I should take care to eat beautiful, vibrant, natural, foods.
I'm off to dreamland now. I have a feeling you will hear more from me soon...

Figuring things out...

Today I woke up around 8 am. and got Linc and I ready to go on a nature walk with Auntie Barbara. I ate a bunch of pineapple and was loving how it was so sweet and golden. The walk was beautiful and Linc had tons of fun finding all the purple trail markers. I ate some dried pineapple from the health food store which was labeled "low-sugar" I was into pineapple so I bought it anyway... It was severely sweet and set me off big time... I ended up eating a meatless sub with tons of shredded cabbage on it so it could have been worse. I know I am eating these non-raw/heavy things to keep my feelings/emotions down but I know that they have to come out sooner or later. It seems like the only person I feel really comfortable enough to let my feelings out around is Felix. Poor husband... Sometimes I really let him have it and it has absolutely nothing to do with him. I'm going to have to get myself sorted out with this issue and soon. Now that I realize what is actually going on I can figure out how to manage it all. Still a bit overwhelming though... I know that EFT is very effective for me but brings up a ot of stuff so I need some time alone after a session of "tapping". Needless to say it isn't esy to get time alone around here.